More Questions…Any Answers?

Tortorella must have sported his lucky underwear last night, because the Lightning finally squeaked by with a 5-3 victory over the Florida Panthers. Wait, there’s more: Marty St. Louis will be joining Lecavalier in the All Star Game! So they lose like that’s what they are paid to do, and it’s highly doubtful they will be a part of the play-offs except as water boys, but at least they have the All Star Game to look forward to.

In non-hockey current events…

I have been thinking and reading a lot, nothing new there, trying to make sense of why things perpetually have to be more drama and more complexity than they need to be. I found this short article called Two Daddies, Two Mommies , and I appreciate its straight-forwardness and simplicity:

“…There is no better way for you as a parent to show the child that you love him and really have his best interest in mind than pointing out that he now has more family than most kids, not less, and how proud he must be to have so many people that love him. Divorce is hard enough on a kid without having parents that bicker over every little thing. By doing this, you teach the child to look for the positive, to overlook minor annoyances, and to love without reservation or jealousy. You set an example that he or she can admire and grow from. ”

Wow, wouldn’t it be great if everyone could grow up and take this attitude? Kids have a hard enough time dealing with their family changing, their parents changing, their whole world turned upside down; they sure don’t need the added strain of being forced to feel guilty for caring about a stepdad or a stepmom (or even the other biological parent) who cares about them too. I agree with this statement from the article as well: “The pain of conflicting loyalties, indecision and of feeling ‘caught in the middle’ exacts a great emotional price for the child.” They have paid enough already for something that was absolutely not their fault. I see no point to keeping them in the line of fire.

No one, of course, enters a relationship with the hopes of someday divorcing, and no matter the reasons for the separation, the reality of your one-time spouse with someone else is a bit jarring. On the other hand, no one enters a relationship eagerly anticipating dealing with an ex-wife or ex-husband who never goes away, and I know many people have reservations taking on a step-parent role or becoming instant parents to someone else’s children, who may possibly despise you, test you, torment you…or maybe even possibly actually like you and grow to love you.

When it does happen, and the kids need as much love and compassion as they can get, why isn’t everyone’s automatic reaction to back off their own ego and jealousy, put the kids rightfully first, and let them embrace something positive coming out of a heartbreaking situation?

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in alienation, divorce, Florida Panthers, jealousy, kids, Marty St. Louis, step parents, Tampa Bay Lightning. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to More Questions…Any Answers?

  1. my daughter and step-daughter are the only ones who fully recognize how lucky they are. my daughter calls my husband dad and her real dad, daddy!!! my step-daughter tells everyone she has two moms…one she lives with and one who gave birth to her, that she sees sometimes during the week! the boys, on the other hand, aren’t the easiest!and…i love your cat pictures. i am a huge cat person!! i have 4, had 5 but, she died in october 😦 so, i adore your pics on the side there!!thanks for commenting on my “secret” blog!!!

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    Unfortunately the way the kids will view their situation is heavily influenced by the people they spend the most time with, and sometimes it’s like they’re just not allowed to see things this way. It’s great that your daughter and stepdaughter see it so positively. Sorry to hear about your cat. I adore animals, cats in particular, and it’s awful to lose one. It’s comforting to know they were loved and adored, but that doesn’t take the sting away!

  3. furiousBall says:

    this is why my distance from my kids scares the crap out of me. i think i’m doing well, but how do i do this from 800 miles away? this remains to be seen

  4. Hi, I love the article you posted. M and I read it right away. By the way I meme’d you on http://stepmama-drama.blogspot.com!

  5. Smirking Cat says:

    Thanks, k&m! Furiousball, I am not certain of your entire situation, but I can tell from your pictures and the stories on your blog that your kids don’t belong 800 miles away from you.

  6. Day says:

    Hey, great article! I wish every parent would put the best interest of the child in front of their personal drama. Thanks for posting it. That book, by the way, is the one by Mary Roach and I love it! I highly recommend it anyone who loves that kind of thing. I found it “laugh out loud” funny.I’m also glad to have found another hockey fan! Go Hurricanes! Maybe we can eek out another stanley this year? (hey a girl can dream, right?)

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