Blog Stalking (BS for short!)

I’m mystified by a phenomenon I will call blog stalking, or appropriately, “BS” for short. I am now aware of several bloggers who have that one person, or a herd of cohorts, who spend hours a day on their blog, then follow links all over the blogosphere, sniffing down anywhere this particular blogger has made comments, visited, breathed near, brushed against, or made the barest appearance, and then begin furiously humping those blogs too.

I have many blogs I visit several times a week, because I enjoy them and want to see what’s new. This, ladies and gentlemen, is normal and sane.

Let’s say I repeatedly visit one of these blogs upwards of a dozen times a day, regardless of whether it’s been updated or not, and apparently just stare at it, waiting for evidence or messages from Mars to spontaneously materialize before my face, maybe waving my fingers dramatically and barking, “Hocus pocus!” Who knows, I’m honestly not certain what these blog stalkers are actually doing during their hours in Blog Land. They must have mini-fridges and canned food supplies near their computers, because the time they spend on ONE BLOG is incomprehensible!

Then, when it finally dawns on them there is no new content on this particular blog, and that they have read the same post 500 times already because they’ve now racked hours on this very same screen, a dim, barely perceptible idea dribbles into the foggy cobwebs of their minds: Hey, this person has links! I bet that means she goes somewhere else!

And the drool is a-flyin’ as the blog stalker clicks link after link, following the trail like a blood-thirsty hound, orgasmically clicking and reading, straining for any sign of their target blogger/obsession, and proceeds to stalk other blogs, devouring them like crack.

Meanwhile…hours pass. Minutes, hours they will never get back from their lives, time that could/should be spent with their kids, families, friends, working, organizing their sharpened knife set, taking their medication, whichever. Minutes that the target blogger in question is busy doing what most people are doing all that time: having a life!

Let’s recap. I love to blog and greatly enjoy reading other people’s posts and comments, and I love finding a new blog that makes me laugh, that makes me smile, that makes me want to add it to my blogroll. This is…remember lesson #1, yes? ….normal.

I love my readers who visit frequently and leave comments. They are fellow bloggers who also enjoy the hobby, and this is…again…normal.

Now let’s envision someone who visits the same blog about 20 times a day, every day, starting the second he/she awakens, perusing not only the occasional new post but also the archives, which he has already read several times but must believe will mysteriously morph into whatever BS’s look for; follows every last link from people who have commented, devours blogs that are linked from the target/obsession blog, and pants and lusts after every scrap she can churn up like a gorging pig rooting in mud; and finally, before she can even think of laying her rattling head to rest, checking one more time, late at night, just in case.

Just in case…what? Who knows. I stopped trying to apply logical thought processes to obsessive, irrational behavior. But in summary, what I just described is…not normal.

The most hilarious thing is, the blog stalker thinks he is sneaky, tricky, a clever little sleuth. “I’m sure showing her! I can spend as much time on this blog as I want to! Harrumph!” *foot stomp, lower lip jutting out, scowling REDRUM-style*

I feel little more than pity for someone who has such an empty void for a life that they have to desperately suck life from someone else. Where are these people’s friends, lives, families, hobbies, dreams, interests?

BS’s will justify their obsessive behavior with some lie or another, but let’s get real here. If you are spending hours a day scouring the same blog over and over instead of dealing with your life’s issues or problems directly, you are the problem. And while you are spending your next hour staring at the same page or feverishly clicking links, desperate to hunt down every footstep your obsession target has made on the entire Internet, ask yourself: Why am I doing this instead of dealing with my issues? Why am I sitting here in front of a computer instead of playing with my kids? Why am I doing this, day after day, when there are roughly one million more productive things to be doing? Why is it so important to me to follow this person all over the Internet? Why am I jealous of this person to the point I have to trot after him/her like a slobbery, untrained puppy? What is it exactly I am trying to accomplish?

You may also ask yourself: What happened to my sanity, and my life?

Click that little red “X” at the top of your browser window and go salvage what’s left of your mind. Or, simply continue to waste hours a day stalking away, knowing you are considered a big joke. Your choice.

Oh wait, one last question, and definitely the most important one, so pay rapt attention: since you clearly have so much free time on your hands, do you suppose you could come over and fold my laundry, clean my toilets, or maybe vacuum my car? I’m a busy woman, you know. Think about it.

Related Links: EFF: Fighting for Bloggers’ Rights

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in avoiding real life, blog stalkers, get a life, insanity. Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Blog Stalking (BS for short!)

  1. BetteJo says:

    I’m going to say this very quietly, sh-h-h-h … I have been very very lucky, or maybe I’m just not interesting enough to garner all that attention.Sh-h .. don’t tell anyone. I’m happy like this. πŸ™‚

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    For the record…to protect some people, I am not publishing all of the comments I have received on this post, but please go ahead and comment and let me know if you have a preference about me publishing them here or not. Thanks!

  3. Oh, publish away!Excellent post! Just excellent. It made me forget that Sean and I are in the middle of a ‘disagreement’. Oh! Wait! That’s normal too.Snort.

  4. Lacey says:

    Bwhahaha….love this post! You are too funny. Oh, and publish, publish, publish! I ain’t scared πŸ˜‰ Hehe

  5. Mister-M says:

    That would be me. There’s NO SHOT you publish my first comment.LMAO!!!

  6. Mister-M says:

    …though I wish you would.

  7. furiousBall says:

    stalking is just another form of attention… of which i am severely deprived

  8. cleverescape says:

    Damn! This is what I get for taking so long to write posts…I never get to be first!Publish away!

  9. Feminist Gal says:

    hahahahaha! awesome!!! My BSs (Blog Stalkers) are men from the Male Rights Network (go figure!) who obviously have nothing better to do than read a feminist blog, look up anything that could contradict said blog, and comment… seriously though,i know what you mean. This individual spends HOURS on my blog for NO reason and visits it more frequently than i do. If you visit a blog more than the moderator, it’s a sign you have a problem lol πŸ™‚Awesome post!!!

  10. Smirking Cat says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. Smirking Cat says:

    Just a demonstration how not-sneaky stalkers are– here’s some data I collected just today:Feb 25 200811:28am xxxx Communications /The Smirking Cat!stephaniesplace.wordpress… Feb 25 200811:30am xxxx Communications http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=4786577345… 9 commentsFeb 25 200811:31am xxxx Communications http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment/ Cyberstalking & Harrassment FAQ’sFeb 25 200811:32am xxxxx Communications /The Smirking Cat!Feb 25 200811:32am xxxxxCommunications http://astepmomssay.blogspot.com/ A Stepmom’s SayGood to see a stalker reading about stalking, I guess…I changed the organization name to XXXX, but I assure you the name is loud and clear on my data.

  12. Just checking out the comments section…. this is getting hilarious. πŸ™‚

  13. Since I visit your blog several times a day… Hey, I think you’re hilarious! I linger okay! Anyway, please come visit my new blog anytime! C.

  14. Smirking Cat says:

    How funny, I just left a comment on yours!

  15. lyndaspix says:

    I love your blog and check it out whenever I can. Excellent post. I also visit some (actually most) of the blogs listed in your example. I think you’re all a great group of bloggers. But I do try to comment, most of the time. Good information to have. Thanks for posting this.

  16. Gah, ok ok ok….I’ll stop stalking you πŸ˜‰ hehe No seriously though… this “BS” thing is messed up.

  17. Little Wren says:

    I love the term “BS”! You have a wonderful sense of humor that continues to serve you well in the face of complete insanity.That being said, I think that cyber stalkers are very sad and lonely people. Think of what they could do with all of that free time and energy!

  18. between3boys says:

    Bwa ha ha ha! I think I have been fortunate enough to avoid the BS-as well. Then again, I am a *gasp* Republican and very narrow minded (cough cough) and radical about childbirth and childrearing, so maybe I just scared them off? LOL BTW – found your through Unstable, but in a completely non-BS way. I just saw that you’re a frequent commenter and you made me chuckle a few times, so I thought I’d see what you were about. Good stuff. πŸ™‚

  19. Smirking Cat says:

    “Non-BS way”, ha ha, that is a good thing! Yes, Unstable and I share a fetish for goalies.

  20. aww yes I do appreciate the fact that you also have a goalie fetish πŸ˜‰ Small world this blogging thing has turned out to be. I found a couple of blogs that I read now thru this blog — in a non-BS way as ‘tween3boys said — so its a cool way to find good new stuff if you can keep the crazy to a minimum. πŸ™‚

  21. Star says:

    As I sit behind my computer early this morning reading the excellent post of the 23rd I find myself excited and thrilled that someone finally said something! It’s about time! Remember the good ole’ days when stalkers just hid behind their binoculars or outside our windows in the bushes? Now they weasel their way into our homes and our very own thoughts through our computers. What do you consider more intrusive my bloggy friends??Blogstalkers beware this is a one group of bloggers you need not stalk, we’re boring people. Stop sitting behind your monitor waiting for someone to mention your name or what you think might be your name! Stop trying to read between the lines and reading posts over and over and over! Don’t you have children with homework to do? Perhaps you need a dog? You cold walk it when you get the urge indulge by reading the many blogs that have nothing to do with you. Or maybe you could just read a good classic. What is it that draws you to our world of hurt and pain and sorrow? Is it because you are possibly the cause and you want to make sure it hurts us? I think so, or perhaps you want nothing more than to find that one sentence that you think you will be able to use against us one day…Perhaps instead you could just be a good parent to your little one’s. They need you. If you have too much time on your hands it’s time to take up knitting.Publish away SC!

  22. Smirking Cat says:

    Want to hear something amusing, in a sad and pathetic sort of way? Some of these known stalkers have started their own blogs and delude themselves into believing that we (the people they stalk) read their blogs too. I strongly encourage these individuals to install Statcounter or Clicky so they can see in black-and-white that I don’t find them nearly as interesting as they clearly find me. They will get their wittle feelings hurt with the cold, hard truth that no one gives a damn about their copy-cat, “hey, look at ME!” blogs. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, I suppose!

  23. Michaela says:

    I’m glad no one reads my blog…that is kind of freaky!! Good for you for saying something!

  24. How sad that even something has simple as blogging can be made sick and almost perverted!thanks for stopping by my blog…everyday…all the time…every moment.j/k!hehehe

  25. Mister-M says:

    Your stalker visited me again today. She’s becoming a regular reader! IT’S EXCITING!!!

  26. Smirking Cat says:

    Exciting? Ha ha. The name of your blog must just call out to her.

  27. Alan says:

    Never had a stalker. Did have a lady (being a guy, I just assume it was a lady) spend over an hour reading my blog – I was thrilled. Then I thought, perhaps she didn’t read it at all. Perhaps she just clicked on it, then forgot and went and did something else, leaving the window open. Oh well. I click on here because I liked the cat photo. Never left a comment before, so thought I’d try it out and this post (even if two weeks old) seem as good as any. Nice blog page, by the way.

  28. Tori :) says:

    I had a BS. She would comment right behind MY comment on every blog I went to. It bugged the crap out of me. I mean, doesn’t she have anything better to do??

  29. Callia says:

    You couldn’t have said it better. I have had a blog stalker for upwards of 2 years. Two whole freaking years!! It’s ridiculous. I don’t even post anything exciting! I have been accused of blog stalking… but I swear it wasn’t me! LOL *sigh*

  30. Callia says:

    …oh and how do you tell how much time one person spends on your blog? And what about those of us who leave our browsers open when we leave the computer? I did that last night lol I was working on a template for this one blog and left my browser open and one of the tabs was open to this blog… all night long lol… so how do you find out how much time an IP has spent on your blog in one session? πŸ™‚

  31. Smirking Cat says:

    Callia, it depends which program you are using to track visitors. Statcounter isn’t as useful in that regard as Clicky is. Clicky will not only show you specific actions taken by each visitor, but also a total amount of time for that visit. It’s very informative. I’m not certain the programs actually count time that you wander off and leave a browswer window open though, because even when people tell me they’ve done that, I don’t have a log of a visitor being there for 20 hours or anything. I don’t think you’re considered active if you haven’t clicked on anything for a while. Anyone else know more about that?

  32. Tracy says:

    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this blog!! In fact, as a newer blogger, I'm wondering if I could please repost this on my site (with proper citation for you as the author and a link back to your site)?

  33. They will get their wittle feelings hurt with the cold, hard truth that no one gives a damn about their copy-cat, “hey, look at ME!” blogs. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, I suppose!

  34. Ellen says:

    I am getting a chance to follow the linkage today but as I came here from a blog that I follow for its knitting content (are you a knitter, by the way?), I don't think I fall into the stalking category.

    In fact, I had to come back to comment as I forgot my password and had to do password recovery!

    Here's hoping things get better.

  35. Ariel says:

    I picked up my first stalker…rather he/she picked me up.

    “Let's say I repeatedly visit one of these blogs upwards of a dozen times a day, regardless of whether it's been updated or not, and apparently just stare at it, waiting for evidence or messages from Mars to spontaneously materialize before my face,”

    That's my stalker. Several times a day and just staring at the exact same post. I banned the initial IP with toolator, but the BS showed up under a new IP. I blocked that one and now the BS is using a proxy. If he/she is going to stare at my blog all day I wish they'd read my other posts for Pete's sake!

  36. changingmoods says:

    I found this post Googling “blog stalk,” because I feel that I've got a few people doing such on mine. Googling the same searches nearly every day leading to my blog, finding my blog through searches that are nearly identical to the titles of posts I've done, or searching my blog's HTTP address. I don't get it. What bugs me is that too many of them never comment or add to the discussion.

    There are blogs I do visit more than once, but that's because they're usually frequently updated with nonstop comments. But for the typical blog that posts once or twice weekly with few comments, I check those irregularly.

    Ariel, blocking by IP is not foolproof. Sometimes more than one person uses an IP address in a block, or that person could be using computers at the library where IP addresses vary. I wish I knew a way for you to block this person for good!

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