A once-enjoyable treat, shoe shopping, was viciously and perversely thwarted today. As I wandered happily up and down the aisles, my anticipation and eagerness deteriorated quickly to “What the hell is this crap?” Ladies, spare yourselves and don’t go sandals-shopping until the current plague has passed! Every single pair of sandals…every blasted last one…was a mutant Croc, each one more hideous than its sister beside it on the shelf, beaming with ugliness and so putrid I felt mesmerized by their depravity, unable to look away until my assaulted eyes began to bleed.
So, this is what it has become. A sarcastic and disgusted “thank you” to everyone who purchased Crocs last year, and indisputably lowered the standards for shoe designers everywhere, who gave a victorious cheer and cried out, “If they will buy this ugly crap, they will buy anything!” And proceeded to design the most hideous footwear known to humanity, all clog-like freaks of nature, abominations to the shoe industry, that sad, misguided people will still mindlessly buy this season: pimped-up Crocs.
Stop the insanity! Plastic clogs are not attractive! They weren’t cute last year in neon colors, and they aren’t cute this year with fur lining or leather or sorbet colors. Please, for the sake of all that is good and holy and fashionable and attractive, stop sending the message to shoe designers that this is what we want to wear this season: