I hate Crocs!

A once-enjoyable treat, shoe shopping, was viciously and perversely thwarted today. As I wandered happily up and down the aisles, my anticipation and eagerness deteriorated quickly to “What the hell is this crap?” Ladies, spare yourselves and don’t go sandals-shopping until the current plague has passed! Every single pair of sandals…every blasted last one…was a mutant Croc, each one more hideous than its sister beside it on the shelf, beaming with ugliness and so putrid I felt mesmerized by their depravity, unable to look away until my assaulted eyes began to bleed.

So, this is what it has become. A sarcastic and disgusted “thank you” to everyone who purchased Crocs last year, and indisputably lowered the standards for shoe designers everywhere, who gave a victorious cheer and cried out, “If they will buy this ugly crap, they will buy anything!” And proceeded to design the most hideous footwear known to humanity, all clog-like freaks of nature, abominations to the shoe industry, that sad, misguided people will still mindlessly buy this season: pimped-up Crocs.

Stop the insanity! Plastic clogs are not attractive! They weren’t cute last year in neon colors, and they aren’t cute this year with fur lining or leather or sorbet colors. Please, for the sake of all that is good and holy and fashionable and attractive, stop sending the message to shoe designers that this is what we want to wear this season:

I’m sorry you had to see that. Sometimes tough love is the purest love of all. Repeat after me: I will not buy Crocs. I will not wear Crocs. However, if I must wear Crocs and defy the laws of fashion and reason, I solemnly swear I will not wear them with socks.

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
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15 Responses to I hate Crocs!

  1. I Absolutely Agree!!!!1,000,000% *As Randy Jackson would say*I work at a hospital and everyone wears them. Or at least they used to until they were banned. Aparantly the holes are a safety hazard? Like blood drops going through a hole in your shoe to your socks is more hazardous than your pants or top?? Whatever, I think the argument is ridiculous but I don’t bother pointing it out because…I HATE CROCS!!

  2. Too funny. I completely agree, except for one thing.They are great for kids; cheap if you buy the knockoffs, they WASH and you can SCRUB them, and you are supposed to buy them big and so they fit a little bit longer than sandals. Flip flops are slightly dangerous on little kids, and at least with crocs and bikes I feel like their little toes are somewhat better protected than flips. And no, I don’t let them wear socks with them. They still don’t understand why.

  3. furiousBall says:

    here’s a great < HREF="http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=fashion" REL="nofollow">post about Crocs<> and kind of offensive

  4. I never liked Crocs!! I had no idea why ppl like those! I think Crocs are ugly!! I will die if I have to wear them!!

  5. Smirking Cat says:

    The post linked above is, uh, interesting. I agree about the Crocs, obviously, and the red lipstick (it makes you look like your face is nothing but clown-shaped lips floating around). He needs to steer clear of wigs and form-fitting tops, though! 🙂

  6. .... says:

    Oh Crocs…what in the world? Yuck. Not my style. I was in the Denver airport and they have a huge Crocs area with about 6 kiosks full of Crocs. Ugh. I will agree with blue, good for kids. Not good with socks. Awful!

  7. How about “I will only wear Crocs while gardening in my yard?” — I can sign on to that one.

  8. Mister-M says:

    I am not a crocs fan. Also, your stalker visited me yesterday. I was out so I couldn’t say “HI” for you. 😉

  9. Chelly says:

    Very interesting post. Crocs seem to be the ONLY, no wait, I forgot knee high, high heeled boots, style here in Germany. Besides on kids, then those are the heelies.. But for adults, men wear crocs and women the boots.. My eyes hurt looking at everyone’s feet here…..

  10. Feminist Gal says:

    i love the tags on this one: “i hate crocs” and “ugly shoes” hahaha that cracked me up for some reason!!!! 🙂

  11. lyndaspix says:

    I have a pair of Crocs that my daughter bought me for Mother’s Day a few years ago…hot pink ones! I wear them in my back yard and around the hot tub/pool areas. But I don’t wear my hot pink crocs out. I do think they’re comfy, but in AZ, with the sand and heat even that can be iffy. I’m with Jill, gardening or in the back yard only for me!

  12. People – crocs are not *real* shoes. They are shiteous (perez-ism) plastic shoe wanna-bes. Awful. And with socks?! Abomination. Arrest that woman immediately! Another fine post, Cat. 🙂

  13. Stephanie says:

    While I agree that Crocs are not stylin’, I have a great pair of black ones and they are THE MOST comfortable pair of shoes I own. I would live in them if they went with anything I own. Ugly factor – High. Comfort factor – outweighs the ugly factor, IMHO.Don’t hate me because I love my Crocs! 🙂

  14. Big Eyed Gal says:

    I don’t own a pair but I don’t hate it. 🙂 Not a fan of the clogs though (especially if you wear socks with it! eek!) but the maryjanes look nice and comfy. 🙂

  15. Sarah Booz says:

    Crocs are absolutely terrible. And they eat children’s feet on escalators! They are awful and ugly and they make me ANGRY.See?http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20837380/Don’t let your children near them! Washable or not!

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