If you (or someone close to you) has a divorce oozing on the horizon, you too may be pondering: how do I appropriately mark this joyous occasion? Fear not! Smirking Cat has done the celebratory shopping for you. Come on, let me show you what I found.
This charming wall hanging sums it up quite nicely, particularly for someone I know oh-so-well: “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to live with a Psycho for the rest of your life”. An absolute steal at $14.95, it’s sure to bring a relieved smile to your loved one’s face, or at least a knowing chuckle. How true it is!
Depending what else the soon-to-be-ex has brought into your loved one’s life, these fluffy little guys may be the order of the day:
Who wouldn’t enjoy cuddling a Venereal Disease Plush Doll? In your choice of Chlamydia, The Pox, The Clap, or Herpes, one of these darlings is sure to touch someone’s heart! The entire set of 4 will only set you back $29.95, but the look on someone’s face when you tell them exactly what these are….? Priceless.
As if anyone needed reminding why they are getting divorced, Perpetual Kid brings us the Things You Do That Really Piss Me Off checklist
, so you can “check off single items or entire groups of behavior”! It appears to be a mere 60 pages, causing me grave doubt it covers quite everything, but perhaps you can write in any missed piss-offers in the margins.
For the more traditional sort, you may send a bouquet of divorce balloons
from Amazing Balloons
, with the wise acknowledgement, “It can only get better!” I personally would have designed these balloons in a bright, cheery red, or a fireworks-emblazoned metallic. Why black? Ditching excess baggage is such a good
Chocolate lovers, don’t despair! Chocolate Fantasies
didn’t leave you out, serving up 6 ounces of gift-boxed chocolate printed with “Happy Divorce” and a symbolic dove in flight. And if chocolate isn’t your thing, why, try the Ex Wife Toilet Paper
, black long-stem roses
, or spring for the Inflatable Husband
or Inflatable Wife
. No lawyer required, just deflate the jackasses when things turn sour.
If nothing has tickled you just yet, well, I assure you I saved the best for last, and I think you will concur it is damn irresistable. Tell me, who could turn down the Wedding Ring Coffin, complete with a custom-engraved plaque, up to 3 lines of 20 characters per line?
Some of the suggested engravings are “I do….NOT!” and “Six feet isn’t deep enough.” My challenge to you: can you top these? C’mon, let me hear what you would engrave on your wedding ring coffin!