Happy Divorce!

If you (or someone close to you) has a divorce oozing on the horizon, you too may be pondering: how do I appropriately mark this joyous occasion? Fear not! Smirking Cat has done the celebratory shopping for you. Come on, let me show you what I found.


This charming wall hanging sums it up quite nicely, particularly for someone I know oh-so-well: “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to live with a Psycho for the rest of your life”. An absolute steal at $14.95, it’s sure to bring a relieved smile to your loved one’s face, or at least a knowing chuckle. How true it is!

Depending what else the soon-to-be-ex has brought into your loved one’s life, these fluffy little guys may be the order of the day:

Who wouldn’t enjoy cuddling a Venereal Disease Plush Doll? In your choice of Chlamydia, The Pox, The Clap, or Herpes, one of these darlings is sure to touch someone’s heart! The entire set of 4 will only set you back $29.95, but the look on someone’s face when you tell them exactly what these are….? Priceless.

As if anyone needed reminding why they are getting divorced, Perpetual Kid brings us the Things You Do That Really Piss Me Off checklist, so you can “check off single items or entire groups of behavior”! It appears to be a mere 60 pages, causing me grave doubt it covers quite everything, but perhaps you can write in any missed piss-offers in the margins.

For the more traditional sort, you may send a bouquet of divorce balloons from Amazing Balloons, with the wise acknowledgement, “It can only get better!” I personally would have designed these balloons in a bright, cheery red, or a fireworks-emblazoned metallic. Why black? Ditching excess baggage is such a good thing!

Chocolate lovers, don’t despair! Chocolate Fantasies didn’t leave you out, serving up 6 ounces of gift-boxed chocolate printed with “Happy Divorce” and a symbolic dove in flight. And if chocolate isn’t your thing, why, try the Ex Wife Toilet Paper, black long-stem roses, or spring for the Inflatable Husband or Inflatable Wife. No lawyer required, just deflate the jackasses when things turn sour.

If nothing has tickled you just yet, well, I assure you I saved the best for last, and I think you will concur it is damn irresistable. Tell me, who could turn down the Wedding Ring Coffin, complete with a custom-engraved plaque, up to 3 lines of 20 characters per line?

Some of the suggested engravings are “I do….NOT!” and “Six feet isn’t deep enough.” My challenge to you: can you top these? C’mon, let me hear what you would engrave on your wedding ring coffin!
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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in celebration, divorce, exes, FINALLY, good riddance, psycho's. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Happy Divorce!

  1. furiousBall says:

    yeah. or you could shoot me, which ever is cheapest.

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    Are you SURE you want to pass on the wedding ring coffin…?

  3. lolThat wedding ring coffin is a trip!

  4. Bleu says:

    Ha..loved this post. Too funny! I want that wall plaque to hang in my office! ..and btw..thanks for the comment. I needed to read that today.

  5. KiKi says:

    The coffin thing is really creepy… ironically, it’s also my favorite. If I ever got divorced I’d make sure to get my husband a real one. A real one of those of course 😉

  6. blueydmuse says:

    Now I wish I hadn’t thrown my wedding ring into the river… that coffin is great! Maybe I should get one for hubby – his ring is floating around somewhere…

  7. , says:

    OH MY GOSH! I love that wedding ring coffin! My stepdaughter is looking at me like I’m crazy just laughing in front of the computer.LOL!!

  8. Smirking Cat says:

    The wall plaque and the wedding ring coffin are great. I’ve had some suggested plaque engravings for the wedding ring coffin emailed to me, and they’re deliciously evil! 🙂 I love you guys!

  9. Big Eyed Gal says:

    The ring coffin is F-U-N-N-Y! Till death do us part? Ha!!I’d suggest an engraving that would say: “If only death would’ve come sooner…”

  10. between3boys says:

    Jeff Dunham has a routine where he talks about marriage one thing he says that struck me along the same chord is something like, “You know that whole ’til death do you part thing? After you’re married, you realize you were actually setting a goal.” Bwa ha ha ha…

  11. Good grief… the venereal disease plush doll?! Now that is freakin hilarious. Priceless, indeed! You, Miss Thang, are positively evil. I admire that in people. 🙂 *giggle* I am also amused by the wedding ring coffin but frankly, it is blown away by the venereal disease plush doll. That is some twisted shiat and I adore it! Two words for ya — STOCKING STUFFERS! muhahahahhahahaha

  12. Stephanie says:

    Loved the whole list. Thanks for making me laugh hysterically while I have the flu, because now I’m also coughing like a madwoman! Loved the wedding ring coffin, but the ex-wife toilet paper? That is the fa-shiz-nit, right there. I’m ordering caseloads!

  13. Smirking Cat says:

    I already did; it’s probably on backorder! 🙂

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