Meet Bertha

I know someone. Let’s call her Bertha, shall we? Bertha has spit out half a hockey team’s worth of kids, and she fancies this means that she knows a thing or two about parenting. It doesn’t. She also clings to the delusion that her lies, games, accusations, and temper tantrums mask the fact that she is as dependent upon others as a newborn infant….emotionally, financially, materially…entirely. Her first tottering steps years ago were only jests. She rocked back on her heels, tore back to infancy, and petulantly refused to leave, even after the passage of 20, 30, 40 years.

The fruits of her occasional attempts to parent, namely, kids just beginning to realize the raw deal they were handed, are blamed on anyone and everyone but herself, yet even in the midst of her own cauterwauling, a pale, shimmering fragment of clarity must stab her sharply with the realization that it is her own doing, though the admission (and appurtenant apologies) will never fall from her bifurcated tongue.

Bertha hopes everyone feels sorry for her, spoons out sympathy for disasters she hand-built. Maybe some even do. Me? I feel agonizingly sorry for kids who deserve better and didn’t ask for this. They only ask to be loved.

I wish she was an errant belch of creation, a rarity, yet I know she is not.

Who else (unfortunately) knows a Bertha?



About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in immaturity, kids, lying, parenting, skills. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Meet Bertha

  1. clevergirl says:

    Ever seen Idiocracy? If no, go rent it. Right now. 😛

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    I never heard of it, to be honest!

  3. furiousBall says:

    Ever read Rosa Lee? very,very sad, but yeah, she’s a Bertha

  4. SomeOne says:

    Yes, unfortunately, this type of person is not an anomaly. I am related to many of these. It is disgusting to see people neglect and use their kids. Using kids to get your way IS child abuse. I wish more people would grow up and take responsibility for their OWN choices and decisions, then actively seek to make better choices for the benefit of their kids’ futures.

  5. Renee says:

    Ehem OH YES I know one… I’m back thanks for sticking with me and urging me back into the blogging!

  6. KiKi says:

    I know a Bertha or two, but I also know many, many, many “Berts.” You know, the drama king, sperm donor aka serial dad who fits all the attributes above minus the gender.

  7. Smirking Cat says:

    The one I know is masquerading as a mother, but yes, Berts unfortunately exist too.

  8. K10ish says:

    Ah, we all know a Bertha and for a short time, give sympathy to her woes. At some point, either her continued declaration of ‘poor me’ or via our own personal growth; we leave Bertha behind. I ponder lots of people and how they act as they do. If Bertha did not exist, how would we recognize her? Maybe she’s here to teach us a lesson. I ran head first into several Bertha’s, then I learned the ‘I Spy’ technique. Bertha has her own little trick; she blows out every other candle, then hers is brighter. Just keep the trick candles around, the kind you can’t blow out – her tantrum will give her away.

  9. Mister-M says:

    “cauterwauling”I’ll need your PayPal email address to send the money for that $10 word.😉That entire paragraph is probably worth $50 – $75.

  10. Smirking Cat says:

    Oh, I’d accept a check from you, Mr. M.

  11. Mister-M says:

    Not right now you wouldn’t. *eek*

  12. blueydmuse says:

    My personal favorite was “bifurcated”. Very nice. Probably worth $20. Appurtenant was pretty good too.

  13. katesaltfleet says:

    Berthas are known as BNPs in Child-free lingo (Breeders not Parents).They are far from few, since they just keep on breedin’!!

  14. Smirking Cat says:

    Breeders, not parents…that is a very accurate way to describe Berthas and Berts!

  15. between3boys says:

    Totally… My “Bertha” has 3 children, so she’s automatically a superior parent to every parent who has “only” 1 or 2 children, among other serious issues I have with her… Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce!!!

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