The difference between Parental Alienation Syndrome and Hostile Aggressive Parenting, according to this site, is that PAS refers to the psychological condition of the child, while HAS refers to the actions, behaviors, and decisions of the parent. No doubt, it is a “very serious and damaging form of abuse and maltreatment” (source: Hostile Aggressive Parenting).
Also from this site: “In general, parents exhibiting Hostile-Aggressive-Parenting have not succeeded in getting on with their own life and remain, instead, controlled by their negative emotions and continue to exercise power and control over their ex-spouse’s life, their ex-spouse’s parenting and to a large extent, over the children of the relationship as well. HAP parents will blame everyone else except themselves.”
You don’t say…
This is heartbreaking: “Hostile-aggressive parents are unable to appreciate the needs of their child and in many cases view their child as a possession belonging to them and no other persons have any right to the child, especially not the child’s other parent or other persons that the HAP parent does not like. Hostile-aggressive parents will use the child as a weapon against the other spouse and family members whenever they have the opportunity.”
Kids don’t ever deserve to be used as tools, pawns, game pieces, by anyone, least of all a parent, who is supposed to love them and care for them. The fact that this is so common it has a name tears me apart. What is wrong with so many people to do this, to persist in this, knowing they are hurting and damaging the kids?
There’s a form on the Hostile-Aggressive Parenting website to evaluate whether a person suffers from HAP. Notable to me were the following items:
*The subject parent has failed to promote a normal and healthy telephone communication between the child and another parent and has taken measures which hinder a child’s communication with another parent.
*The subject parent has taken the child to counselors, doctors or other health care professionals on an ongoing basis regarding the child’s behavioural or emotional problems without the prior knowledge, consent or participation of the other parent.
*The subject parent has withdrawn money from a child’s bank account and spent the money on their own personal uses rather than to ensure that the money is kept in trust for the child.
*The subject parent has unilaterally relocated the child’s place of residency further away from the other parent, family and friends without consulting the other parent prior to the move which has resulted in a change of schools for the child.
*The subject parent has encouraged a child to collaborate with him/her in making false allegations against the other parent.
*The subject parent has made allegations against the other parent involving sexual or physical abuse of the child with no evidence to support their claims.
*The subject parent has acted in an unfriendly or rude manner with the new partner of the other parent without just cause or has rejected friendly efforts by the new partner to try to work cooperatively for the benefit of the children.
The effects on the kids, not surprisingly, are far from good. One effect of HAP is a high level of conflict between the child and the custodial parent. According to the HAP site, “Children, especially those above the age of 7 to 8, may begin to show anger directed at their custodial HAP parent. Children at this age begin to come out of their shell and begin to develop a greater ability to reason and to differentiate right behaviour from wrong behaviour.”
How sad that the children, that young, differentiate between right and wrong so much better than the custodial parent.