My Better Half

I’ve often joked with Gary that he is my better half. While I am quick to crack skulls together, Gary is perenially optimistic that it can be worked out, that a person can change, that there is good in everyone, to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I gave up on people long ago and have to come realize how much I can learn from him.

Since most of you have never met Gary, let me point out that he is nearly 7 feet tall and can strike an imposing figure if you don’t know his gentle heart. He laughs and tells people, “I’m the nice one; it’s her you have to worry about.”

It’s true. I hope before I get any more cynical than I already am, that I can find some faith in people the way he does.

I will never forget when someone asked Gary if, hypothetically, he ever gained sole custody, would he keep the kids from their mother to let her know what it feels like? Gary looked offended at the idea and said, “No. The kids need her.” Simple as that.

Even in our current situation, Gary is still the same Gary, forcing me to think and redesign some of my long-held beliefs. I have been a card-carrying member of the “lock-’em-up-and-let-’em-rot” mentality about convicts for a long time, having never been shoved face-to-face with a human being going through the ordeal. Gary told me about a young man who turned to him in jail, found comfort in his words, and promised to make changes when he was released. When he was released, he stopped at the door, dropped his roll of belongings, and turned back to find Gary…and gave him a hug. Then he grabbed his things and walked out the door without looking back. How do I align that with the cold-hearted, no-good criminal in my stereotypes?

I used to say Gary is naive. I’d smile protectively and say it’s a good thing I’m so ball-breaking, to make up for him being such a pushover. I realize now I had it backwards. It’s a good thing Gary has so much heart and a loving spirit, and I still have a lot to learn from him.

*Ying-yang kittens photo courtesy of*

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in Gary, gentle heart, love, peace. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to My Better Half

  1. Mean Stepmom says:

    Gary sounds like a wonderful guy. You seem to balance each other perfectly.

  2. lyndaspix says:

    I’m so glad that Gary has you during this time…and that you have him. I love the way that you appreciate the balance that Gary brings to your life and your perspectives. I pray that you two will soon be reunited.

  3. Dijea says:

    Are you sure Gary is not an angel? He seems too good to be true? What a lucky woman!

  4. He sounds like a great guy (just to reiterate) and it’s nice that if you’re a cynic, that he can bring some optimism into your life. I’m a cynic too and often consider people who aren’t, naive. But being extremely cynical isn’t healthy either, so it’s def nice when you can find that balance in a friend/partner.

  5. Samantha says:

    You both seem like terrific people!

  6. Sungold says:

    This is a really touching post. You’re going through such a hard time, and yet Gary is managing to make lemonade – at least part of the time.Hugs to you – and I’m hoping for better days for both of you. Soon.

  7. Marmee says:

    “Gary looked offended at the idea and said, “No. The kids need her.”This says it all! You two are amazing parents! This is ABSOLUTELY what putting the kids first is all about. And the fact that you see and appreciate that shows that you too understand what it really means to “put the kids first!” Way to go!

  8. KiKi says:

    Making lemonade indeed… he made a positive impact on someone and continues to do good deeds in spite of his own troubles. right on, Gary.

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