Malicious Mother Syndrome, continued

Would you be terribly surprised to know that:

* 40% of divorced mothers admitted to punishing their former husbands by denying visitation with their children.

* Parents of more than six million children have interfered with court-ordered visitation.

* Half of divorced fathers complain of their visitation rights being denied.

(Source: Management of Visitation Interference, by Ira Daniel Turkat)

Judging from many of the blogs I read, not many regular readers will be surprised at all. The author of the referenced article discusses Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome as well, describing this syndrome as different from Parental Alienation Syndrome in this way: “Women with this syndrome interfere chronically with visitation. Though they also engage in serious attempts to alienate the child from the father, they are not always successful. Thus, a full parental alienation syndrome is not required for a diagnosis of divorce-related malicious mother syndrome.”

Just a few typical behaviors of these mothers:

* attempting to alienate their child(ren) from the father;
* involving others in malicious actions against the father;
* engaging in excessive litigation.

Turkat concludes, “Such an individual appears to lack a true desire to change, which indicates therapy probably would not be effective. A person who will lie on the witness stand is just as likely to lie to a therapist.”

It’s hard to read these descriptions, to recognize them intimately in people I know, and then imagine children in the care of such people. Family court continues to disgust and horrify me…but not nearly as much as parents like this do.

Related post: Malicious Mother Syndrome

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in custody, malicious mother syndrome, parental alienation, research. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Malicious Mother Syndrome, continued

  1. dragonmctt says:

    And as long as these people continue to be rewarded by the legal system, there is not anything anyone can do to effectively stop them. Part of the problem, I think, is the emphasis on physical abuse versus emotional abuse. It is as if our physical bodies are valued more than our minds, hearts and spirits. The courts can see that a child with a broken arm needs to be protected, but a child with a broken spirit? Sorry, can’t help you until you blow away 30 of your classmates or start physically abusing someone else yourself. It makes no sense.

  2. Fathers are as guilty of it as mothers. It’s just sad that one gender of it is highlighted for this type of alienating behavior when both genders are guilty of it.Please stop perpetuating the generalization. Thank you.

  3. Smirking Cat says:

    Numbers, and observation, demonstrate otherwise. Family courts are heavily biased to awarding custody to mothers, therefore placing them more frequently in the position to abuse the position and essentially abuse the kids as well. I’m sure there are fathers who do the same thing; however, the fact is, fathers collectively are shortchanged in family court, and mothers are far more frequently handed the role in which they can become the alienating parent.

  4. Mean Stepmom says:

    I understand the concept, even though it’s not applicable in my situation, but my question is: are you expecting visitation with the kids despite Gary’s incarceration? I’m sure you have a wonderful relationship with Gary’s children, but I’m not sure the court would deem visitation necessary.

  5. Smirking Cat says:

    No, I don’t expect the kids to be taken to a jail to see their father. Visitation issues began looooong before that, however! And cutting off ALL contact (like phone calls) is simply spiteful. It is a rare situation where any parent is justified in forcibly severing the other parent from the kids.

  6. I tried to write a comment for this but I just cant post it. 1) It ended up being a novella.2) I need to edit it big time before I post it. 3) I need to get my feelings in check before I go here because yeah, clearly in your situation the bio mom is being irresponsible with her children and using them to poke Gary with a stick and that is wrong but she is NOT representative of all or even most bio moms. I’m sorry but she’s not. No, it doesnt make it suck any less for you and Gary or take away any pain but it can be upsetting for moms like me who have to repeatedly swallow my pride and personal feelings to make sure I do the right thing when it comes to my children and tha baby daddy. 4) I have personal experience with my son’s sperm donor that was/is completely heinous and I was treated in a way that totally breaks down the gender generalizations here but again I have to get my feelings in check because this isnt about your stats being right or my stats being right. You are going through a really painful experience and you are all suffering – THAT is what matters here. 5) I can actually relate to some of the pain you are feeling when you remove the parent gender from the issue. I am happy to share my experiences I’ve had raising my son but I think I will do it over on my blog and if you want to read about it, you can πŸ™‚ I dont think its appropriate to address it here though. 6) I support you. We are all sensitive to matters that touch us profoundly so even when emotions run high on either end, I still support you and understand your pain with dealing with that shiteous bitch πŸ™‚ Did that make sense at all??? πŸ™‚

  7. Smirking Cat says:

    Yes, it does make sense. At the same time, I have to say that as far as gender generalizations go, I have the same reaction to automatic assumptions that a father has no clue how to take care of a child, and no right to be an equal parent. The sins of some ruin it for all. To point out that many mothers do behave heinously and use visitation to punish their former husbands is not implying that all mothers do. The experiences I’ve had, and things I have witnessed, have blown away my preconceived notions of “motherhood”. And watching a father have to fight tooth and nail to simply take care of his own children has been disgusting.

  8. Oh I hear ya… I sometimes just get sensitive as this has been a really horrendous experience for me as well. I have to pull back and realize that your (or someone else’s) experience is YOUR experience and has nothing to do with me or anyone else but you and the people directly involved with you. I’ve watched my brother get his chain yanked by his spoiled bitch ex-wife many, many times and it SUCKS. Her parents are wealthy and she’s makes twice what he does and yet she will blatantly tell him she needs the child support check cuz SHE wants this or that. Not because his son needs something…because her spoiled bitch ass wants something. Its fucking offensive. I don’t think mothers should automatically get custody simply because they have a uterus or fathers should not get custody simply because they ARENT the mother. I guess we all just get caught up in our experience enduced emotion at times – at least I do – and when I know its flowing over into an area where it shouldnt I try to regroup : ) I wanted to comment to at least say I understood and support you but make an attempt, albeit a bad one this time haha, of keeping my personal feeings out of it. But hey… we all live and learn from each other, right? I’m just not good at the fake thing..if I get ‘spirited’ about something, its hard to hide it…haha That gets me in trouble. That shocks you, doesnt it? πŸ˜‰

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