False Allegations

35: the percentage of child abuse allegations that were unsubstantiated in 1975

66: the percentage of child abuse allegations that were unsubstantiated in 1993

97: the percentage of child abuse allegations made during divorce proceedings that are unsubstantiated

(Source: False Allegations of Abuse in Divorce)

Having worked in a shelter and also having worked with abused children in various settings, I am unbelievably infuriated by the fact that finger-pointing about child abuse is a popular trick in so many parents’ grab bags of hate during divorce. I know first-hand how short-staffed and over-worked most agencies attempting to protect children are, and how precious little resources one must work with in these roles. When a parent knowingly falsely accuses the other parent of abuse simply to vilify that person and to paint themselves as the sympathy-worthy victim, they are selfishly wasting time and resources that could be (SHOULD be) directed to children who desperately need it, instead of serving as pawns in a spiteful, immature game.

And what about the kids who are the targets of these false allegations? Because they are often forced into the hate campaign by the manipulating parent and even roped into “counseling” to cement the false memories, these children understandably become depressed, lack self-esteem, and develop false memories, harming or destroying their relationship with the falsely accused parent. Reverend Dennis Austin calls this a parentectomy: the removal or erasure of a parent from a child’s life.

I give up trying to understand how a parent can do this to his or her own child. I am left wondering, what would stop this? What would stop parents from viewing their children as tools or game pieces, to stop abusing not only their children but also the resources attempting to protect kids, which are stretched far past their limits already? What would shift some parents’ focus from their own desires and where it belongs: to the kids?

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in divorce, false allegations, grow the hell up, parental alienation. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to False Allegations

  1. furiousBall says:

    it’s amazing the self entitlement we feel we all deserve… a spouse is cheated on so they feel the need to “punish” the other spouse by keeping the kids away from that spouse.

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    It’s normal enough to be hurt, angry, resentful, etc. during and after a divorce. It’s not a pleasant thing. When a parent can shrug and essentially say “Sorry, kiddo, my animosity is worth more to me than your feelings or your relationship with your other parent”, then I’m a loss how to help that parent realize something so obvious: how much he or she is hurting the kids.

  3. Mister-M says:

    It won’t ever stop, but there are steps to help stem the bleeding.– Rebuttal presumption of joint custody. Remove the ability of one parent to use the child as the weapon of choice for a financial purpose and you eliminate the need for pulling out the “child abuse” card.– Criminalize false allegations and red-flag those who make unsubstantiated reports. CPS washes their hands of the situation by calling them “unsubstantiated” when they are clearly FALSE. Then, you have those who would propagate the myth by saying, “just because it was unsubstantiated doesn’t mean it didn’t happen!” CPS actually encourages the behavior by not facilitating the necessary steps to stop it.– Remove the perverse financial incentives most states in place for DHHS, CPS, and similar organizations for placing children in foster care.As always, when you look for a root cause of a situation in divorce and family court, you always end up looking at the big pile of money that so many players in the process stand to make.<>< HREF="http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/2007/12/about-psycho-ex-wife.html" REL="nofollow">~Mister-M<><>

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