Beat Up the Big Guy

Not all of the stories Gary tells me lately are depressing. Some are downright humorous.

I think I’ve mentioned that Gary is very tall, almost 7 feet, and he can strike an imposing figure if you don’t know what a softie he really is. In jail, this has mostly served him well. No one really wants to start anything with a man who looks like he could effortlessly step on you like squashing a bug.

One young man, however, had been offered the advice that if he ever finds himself in jail, to single out the biggest guy there and promptly beat him up to earn everyone’s respect.

Gary told me he felt something bounce off of him but didn’t think much of it, since guys rough-house and wrestle and aren’t terribly careful about who they bump into. It wasn’t until a chorus of “Gary, watch out!” rang out that he looked around…

…and didn’t see anything. He didn’t know what everyone was yelling about, or what he was supposed to be watching for. Then, from the crowd, he saw a little fellow plowing straight toward him, arms raised, intent on destruction, ready to rumble.

Gary outstretched one arm and stopped the guy by holding his shirt collar. The young man was suspended at the end of Gary’s arm but still swinging wildly, eyes closed tight, just whaling away…then cautiously, he peeked one eye open, then the other, and glowered up at Gary.

Gary asked him calmly, “Are you done now?”

The guy considered his position, straightened up, dropped his fists, and said, “Umm…yeah.”

“Ever since then,” Gary told me, “he’s been my shadow.”

When Gary is reading, this young man is reading. When Gary is drawing, he wants to draw too. Gary joked that he has to chase him off his bunk and make it clear that he absolutely, positively is NOT sleeping with him.

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in Gary, humor, jail. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Beat Up the Big Guy

  1. furiousBall says:

    that’s the true sign of strength, knowing when you truly don’t have to use it. nice job Gary

  2. macocha says:

    Yes, nice job for Gary! Thanks for the morning chuckle. (it is still morning here anyways!)

  3. Amy says:

    Thanks for a good laugh. I’m so glad for you that he’ll be home soon!

  4. Stephanie says:

    That was hilarious! You paint a great picture with words!

  5. Smirking Cat says:

    Gary also told me that one day while they were all sitting around a table, one of the guys tried to make a joke and announced, “I’m not the sharpest pillow in the drawer!” Everyone looked at him curiously, and Gary finally asked, “Don’t you mean the sharpest knife in the drawer?” The guy thought for a moment, then said, “Yeah, well, I thought that was how the saying goes.” Nothing like illustrating his point, eh?

  6. Blueyd says:

    That was hysterical. While I’m sure things are far from pleasant in there for him, I’m glad he’s at least able to defend himself.

  7. *Mini* says:

    Once I got finished laughing, I thought “What a great role model for this kid to have”. And truly, I can’t think of a better place for the kid to be in need of a good role model. Maybe there is a reason from above that Gary was put there . . .

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