At lunch today, I grabbed a sheet of scratch paper and figured I’d surprise Gary with a lame but heartfelt poem:
A Super-Dooper Jail Poem
Hot dogs, bologna, and mush, oh my!
Jail food can make you cry.
Gary’s lost about 30 pounds,
And he makes sad, begging sounds,
If you mention Mountain Dew,
Steak, or burgers, to name a few.
The young punks play all night, sleep all day,
So when Gary would like to hit the hay,
He must wear plugs in his ears.
This zoo can bring a man to tears!
Guards, lockdowns, strip searches, and noise,
Fights, jerks, and contraband toys,
Sagging pants, sagging bunk,
Who can stand this damn jail junk?
Inside or out, jail is hell.
All our cash goes to Paytel.
Three more days, Gary is free at last!
And if his sweetheart doesn’t kick his ass,
They will hold this lesson forever—
Stand strong, tall, proud—together.