Still Not Used to It

Life keeps marching forward, menial and necessary tasks like going to work interfering with simply adjusting to the huge changes in my life lately. I had 4 days off last week to spend with Gary, for us to get used to each other again, to hold each other tightly and feel each other close, and it wasn’t enough. I still pause simply to watch him, to marvel in the fact that he is HOME, he is next to me, and I can reach out and hug him any time I want to. No time limits, no glass, no cut-off phone calls, no dirty and crowded waiting room to endure first.

I wandered into the room where he was sitting and drawing the other night, and I stopped in the doorway and just watched him lean over the paper, smiled at the way he holds his pencil crooked (we’re both lefties), and I ended up in his arms, so happy he is home and that we are together, finally. It’s hard to carry on with work, paying bills, cleaning the house, little everyday things, when I just want to sit on the porch swing and talk and talk and talk with him, just look at him and take him in.

Yesterday evening we caught the kids’ soccer games, and Gary was almost tackled by the kids’ enthusiastic hello hugs. It’s been quite an adjustment for them too, and it will take time for them as well, to trust and feel in their hearts that they will definitely see him again. They hurt all over again when it’s time to leave their father. So much healing could begin if the kids weren’t constantly threatened with not seeing him again. I wish everyone could see that, accept that, work towards that.

We stopped for a late dinner on the way back home, then wrapped up under the covers and just enjoyed being together until we fell asleep. I wake up at night and find that no matter how much we’ve tossed, turned, twisted, and rolled over, we are always still touching, even if it’s just our hands, stretched across the bed. And I’m so happy he’s home.

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in Gary, home, kids, love. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Still Not Used to It

  1. furiousBall says:

    good on you for recognizing the good.

  2. Crys says:

    That’s such a wonderful feeling! I’m so happy that all of you are experiencing the bliss of having Gary home.I’m still trying to get used to the reality that I’m here for good too. Distance can be do-able, but it stinks!

  3. Amy says:

    so happy for you!

  4. Dijea says:

    I’m glad you are happy. Bliss is a wonderful state to be in.

  5. lyndaspix says:

    I love the way you describe your life. I love that you’re happy. I also loved that you determined not to wallow in self pity when Gary was not with you. You made a life for yourself while he was gone, always anticipating his return. I admire your strength and commitment.

  6. Mister-M says:

    I’m glad he’s home, too! 😉

  7. Glad everthing is going so well.

  8. macocha says:

    Thrilled he is home!

  9. kimberlina says:

    “enjoyed being together.” is that what you’re calling it nowadays? ^_^ i’m so glad he’s back!

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