New Year’s Resolutions

No, not for me, silly…for YOU! Instead of the usual fare of “drop some pounds, stop getting loaded every weekend, and save some money instead of blowing it on impulse purchases at Walmart”, I decided to serve up a selection of resolution choices for you to pick and choose as you see fit. Let’s make the world a better place by selecting a few of the following:

1. To stop saying “like” in between every single sentence.

2. To MOVE in the left lane on the highway instead of putzing along at 35 just to see how much patience the driver behind you has today.

3. To never wear a sweater vest again, especially if it’s adorned with snowmen, glitter, Easter bunnies, or Santa Claus. Really. Just say no.

4. To pull your pants up. It was never truly fashionable to display a peek of your undies, and I assure you it’s not a service to society to brandish three inches of your ass crack either. It just makes me want to drop things down there, preferably items of an explosive nature.

5. To take responsibility for yourself. If you’re pushing 40, mooching off your parents, and still whining “It wasn’t meeeeeeeeeeee…” when you do something stupid, then consider yourself soundly slapped and get a life.

6. To adopt a cat. Hey, I love cats. But only consider this one if you are not part of the #5 gene cesspool.

7. To learn something new. Your brain is going to rot on a daily diet of People magazine and the latest fad TV show. The world is a fascinating place full of discoveries.

8. To read Smirking Cat every day! OK, I am not always consistent with updating the blog, but I promise to do better.

9. To wake up every morning wondering what you can do to make the world a better place for someone…the next person you see on the street, the frazzled person at the grocery store, the stressed co-worker, for anyone who could use it.

10. To always, unwaveringly, continuously ask “Why?” Don’t simply accept that which needs to be questioned.

What can you add to this list of resolutions we wish the world would make?

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in humor, New Year, random stuff, resolutions. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to New Year’s Resolutions

  1. furiousBall says:

    i’m going to take the responsibility to like, read The Smirking Cat everyday. oh wait, I already … like, do that.

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    Ha ha, you made me laugh πŸ™‚ Ooh, good resolution! Very wise!

  3. Crys says:

    I have a great addition!!!11. To always indicate a lane change by turning on a blinker BEFORE changing lanes.I think the world on the road would be so much better if some people would stick to that resolution.

  4. Smirking Cat says:

    I really want to add a #12:To always remember that the kids deserve to be first, no matter your personal feelings.But the people who refuse to do this won’t care enough to change. So maybe a better one is to be honest with the kids, listen to them, and help them deal with the situation as best they can with as much love as you can give them.

  5. phairhead says:

    Hang ’em high for using the word “like” every 2.5 seconds!

  6. mean stepmom says:

    Haha love this list. You would totally love the Christmas sweater vest my mom gave me. It’s a hideous thing, completely covered in bows and embroidery. Bless her heart, it must have been on sale.

  7. I’m with you, sista!!!! πŸ˜‰ I’m working on my son pulling up his pants…his friends do it, too, and it really makes me crazy. I grab their belt loops and give a good tug upwards. I’ve even given them belts to wear when they are in my house. πŸ˜‰

  8. Ok, I really want to stop taking things so damn personally this year! So far I’m off to crappy start…but I’m trying!And! I want to be more daring with my jewelry!

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