Hey, Stalker

Dear My Indefatigable Stalker,

We simply can’t keep meeting like this:

February 6th 2009
09:06:47 AM

February 6th 2009
09:08:04 AM

February 6th 2009
09:52:39 AM

February 6th 2009
10:46:38 AM

February 6th 2009
02:03:31 PM

Feb 6th 2009
04:02:00 PM

I’m like crack to your inner addict, aren’t I? Makes me doubt your professions of distaste for me when you can’t stand to be away for more than a few moments.

All of these visits (except one) came from your work IP address. I’m jealous! I wish I was dispensable enough at work to blog-stalk all day long and no one even notice my absence.

There, there. Some say “obsession”, some say “psychosis”. What’s in a word, anyway?

Driving slowly by my house or following me when I go running may have a touch of charm if you were sporting a boom box and serenading me with “In Your Eyes” a la Say Anything, but alas, scowling at me from the driver’s seat and then fabricating waggish excuses for your perpetual presence is not winning my heart, my soft-headed dear. However, if you are taking requests for a future drive-by, well, I lean more toward Metallica and Edwin McCain, depending on my mood.

And if you happen to cruise by on a trash night and my rubbish can is not perched at the curb, could you be so kind as to make yourself useful and do the honors, assuming you could resist the temptation to sort through my trash for mementos, trophies, and souvenirs?

If this escalates to boiling rabbits on my stove, just remember: I like mine with barbecue sauce.

*Stalker Cat image courtesy of Icanhazcheezburger.com*

*Blog visitor stats courtesy of Statcounter*

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in get a life, insanity, my stalker, stalkers. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Hey, Stalker

  1. kelly says:

    Sounds just like my husband’s psycho ex. Following me, the non-stop drive-by’s of our house, calling our home or cells 10 times a day. (The excuses for being on our dead end street were pathetic!)Then she broke into our home and we arrived home whie she was in the house. I hope her arrest and time in jail was worth the sneak peak she came for. She is the reason we now live in a different state than she and the children. A restraining order didn’t quite do the trick. I’m sorry you have this problem. It’s just so unbelievably wrong. This person stalking you is obviously quite sick. Take care.

  2. Dijea says:

    You forgot to send them my way.

  3. Amy says:

    Do people really have that much time to waste every day? OMGosh! I’m lucky if I can find time to READ the blogs I like to follow or post on mine. You’re right- whomever that is definitely needs to get a life! They can come over here and clean my carpets for me or mop floors if they want. I’m still having some trouble getting around and could use someone to mop my floors? Please!

  4. Smirking Cat says:

    People who care about nothing but themselves have plenty of free time on their hands.

  5. macocha says:

    I hear you. I have one too on my personal blog.

  6. ahhh good times… I need to check my stats too. There for a while “stalker” was hitting my blog pretty hard too. I cant imagine why LOL Bring it on, Stalkerina. I do love to poke cowards with a stick. 🙂

  7. sharyn TG says:

    Hey Smirking Cat, Are you serious? You have a stalker? That is really scary. Do they know where you live? I hope you are ok. Sharyn (Kitty City Gazette)

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