Visitation

One more hour until I am sprung from my cell, I mean, until I can leave work! I’ll have just enough time to drop my stuff, say hi to the cats, hug Gary, and then the front door will burst open with 3 little hurricanes ready to spend the weekend with us.

Gary is hobbling about and barely moving without the aid of Ben-Gay and smelly muscle rubs, thanks to a vigorously renewed exercise interest that has left him so sore he grunts when he has to lift so much as a finger. I laughed today and told him, “You know the kids are going to have no mercy about whether you are sore or not.” It is not unusual to see Gary with all 4 kids draped over him in various positions like those monkeys with velcro paws, usually laughing uncontrollably, sometimes upside down and loving it.

During these moments, I still find myself uselessly calling out, “Be careful!…watch out!…oh, not in his eye, please…try not to kill him, ‘k?”

I’m looking forward to the weekend so much. One thing I never look forward to, though, is how hard it is on the kids when it’s time to leave their father. Expecting kids to get used to seeing their father a handful of days a month is simply not realistic. Are they supposed to go 2 weeks, see him for basically one full day plus a snippet of Friday and Sunday, then hop out of the car with a cheerful wave backward and a flippant “See ya later, Pops”?

I found this online today: Managing Visitation in High-Conflict Situations. The author states, “…when extreme conflict persists even after the couple has parted ways, the children of that marriage may find it difficult, if not impossible, to heal. Indeed, when parents cannot put their mutual anger aside, and when they sweep their young children into the conflict, they have ceased to protect their children.”

I couldn’t have said it better, except that the anger need not be mutual. One bitter, obsessed parent is enough to cause plenty of harm. A fundamental and crucial role of parenting is carelessly cast aside when ego and bitterness win out over protecting the kids’ hearts and minds. The proof will be in the tears at the end of the weekend.

Advertisements

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in bitter ex, divorce, kids, visitation, weekend. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Visitation

  1. Just Me :) says:

    I know it’s not much, but is there a specific reason a mid week visit with the kids is not an option…or did he just get screwed out if it?

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    Right now it’s not possible because we only have one car, and the kids are an hour away. I don’t get home from work until too late for us to head out to see the kids for an evening. When he used to see them on weekdays, it didn’t seem to make it easier; it just meant the kids were upset more often for the separation part. The high conflict, and other issues, leave them very insecure that they will see him again, and it is tearing them apart.

  3. seriously… you just put it into complete perspective… we have every other wkend visitation… and now after thinking about it… that like 2 to 4 solid days a month.

  4. phairhead says:

    am i only the one that finds Ben Gay smell sexy? Anyone? OK the cheese stands alone 🙂

  5. When might those every-other-week visitations be changed to every weekend? Do you get holidays and summers? It seems like such a jip…

  6. Smirking Cat says:

    NSNM: it will change when everyone involved is mature enough to place the children’s needs first.

  7. Just Me :) says:

    Dude, that really just sucks. The length btwn visits is never going to allow them to ‘realize’ that they WIL see dad again. Two weeks just allows little brains so much time to forget that as jacked up as it may be there is a ‘schedule’ and they do get to see him on a ‘regular basis’ although if I could make my own definition of regular basis it would read much differently then every two weeks. If we could all just suck it up and deal.

Don't be shy! Tell me how great I am. Or not. Share your feelings with the group.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s