Scary Parents

One of the best tips I have ever read regarding how to protect children during and after a divorce is from The Effects of Conflict on Children: The High Price Your Children Pay on

“The most powerful action divorcing parents can take to protect their children is to pledge not to expose them to adult arguments. In fact, here’s an exercise to bring this important concept home. The next time you are about to get into an argument with the other parent, do this.

“Take out a photograph of your children or just create a mental picture of your kids. Look at those sweet, innocent faces and repeat the following:

I know that what I am about to do is damaging to you and is likely to affect you forever. But at this moment, indulging my anger is more important than your well being.’ “

The author also states, “No parents in their right mind would knowingly dose their kids with a bit of poison each day.”

Therein lies a huge problem, doesn’t it? There actually are parents who can look deep into the kids’ eyes and lie, poison, and contaminate without a second thought. There are parents who can smile into their children’s faces, then turn and file yet another motion to sever the kids’ contact with the other parent, tell the kids yet another lie, weave yet another fabrication to bolster the lies they’ve already spewed.

When that person is the custodial parent, how do you protect the kids? All the tips and advice and strategies in the world won’t mean a thing when the parent with the most access to the kids isn’t fazed by hurting them, as long as their own anger, jealousy, pettiness and greed are catered to and gluttonously fed.

It’s frightening to realize how many kids live with, depend on, and innocently trust someone who routinely tosses aside their kids’ minds and hearts in favor of their own selfish wants. It’s even more frightening when those kids are people you love and care about, and when history has forced you to let go of any lingering faith that that parent will mature and realize the damage they are inflicting before it is too late.


About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in conflict, divorce, kids, poor parenting, selfish parents. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Scary Parents

  1. Crys says:

    I think this is so true. My fiance and I actually have tried really hard to make sure that we don’t argue (especially a hot argument) in front of the kids. We also work on (although I think it’s more our personalities) to stay calm when discussing things – even if it’s a disagreement over something.

  2. Sam says:

    My ex has been the custodial parent for fourteen years. He poisoned the girls over time so that now they think I’m the devil. He denied me access for visitation for many of those years and I didn’t have the money for a lawyer to take it back to court, he told them I didn’t care, I abandoned them. Currently we’re all going through something that is totally irreparable and I can only pray that one day the girls will wake up and see what their father is and has done.

  3. Smirking Cat says:

    I think parents who use their kids like this is more common than anyone really feels comfortable acknowledging, especially mothers. It’s hard to fathom someone actually carrying a child for 9 months and then treating them like tools, but it’s time to wake up and realize that it happens…a lot.

  4. While I agree that fighting every day can be very damaging to your children, much the same as a disasterous marriage can be, I don’t agree that you should never have an argument in front of the kids. My husband and I RARELY argue. I mean, maybe once every six months or so. However, I do think that the kds should see/hear that sort of thing. I’m not talking about hate-filled name-calling or things like that; I’m talking about healthy arguments. Kids need to know that everything is not always perfect, and even if we argue,we can do so respectfully while still loving each other. It’s healthy to know that people can stil argue or disagrere, but still love each other, work it out, and move on. It’s all a process. Life, marriage, and relationships are not ever perfect and we shouldn’t pretend that they are. If we do, kids grow up thinking that if they get into an argument, they’re bad people, or not normal.

  5. Smirking Cat says:

    Not So Normal Mom, the key word in your comment is “respectfully”. Respect for each other, respect for the kids…my concern is when the only person a parent is concerned about is him or herself. I agree with not presenting a relationship as free of conflict or argument, since that’s not realistic, and I also agree that respect (and responsibility, not pawning blame onto someone else) is important to teach them as well.

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