The first day I met all of you, I didn’t expect much at all, just a dinner with a friend and his kids, but something happened to all of us that night. By the time we were seated at the table, we were talking, giggling, making jokes, testing each other and feeling each other out, and settling into something comfy and safe.
I know to you I was yet another change in your shaken-up lives, and I saw the “proceed with caution” signs in your trusting but hurting eyes, so I stood back to watch what would happen.
Even as my relationship with your father deepened, I never felt a pressure to force you into a relationship with me. I was your friend first, a friend you desperately needed, another pair of snuggling arms, another set of listening ears, and an open mind to the painful path you were travelling with your father. I didn’t push. But I also didn’t back off. And for that I am grateful.
I know, as you do, that not everyone appreciates our relationship. I wish I could say that is okay, but knowing that more pressure and pain is brought down on you for loving me makes it not the least bit okay to me. I wish everyone could accept that your beautiful hearts are big enough to love me, your father, your mother, and so many more, without ever running empty.
You are each a blessing to my life. I found myself watching you, playing, running, sleeping, and feeling an immensity and protectiveness stir in my heart that was massive and unexpected. I didn’t expect to tuck each of you into my heart and hold you tight there, but I did, without knowing what was happening. Something that once would have scared me to death felt safe and wonderful instead.
I have watched you grow over 2 and half years now, and we now know each other’s habits, mannerisms, quirks. You joke with me about mine, and I love to pick on you about yours! It’s been a rough few years, but we have found a way through. I love each of you.
The first night we met, I didn’t expect to feel this way about you, or to love you and enjoy your laughter, your voices, your imaginations, everything that makes you so wonderfully you.
Someday when you read this, or maybe when I read it to you, I hope you know, without a doubt, that I am grateful each of you came into my life, and I am grateful for the love of your father that brought all of us together.
I love you!