This past weekend, I held the kids, I watched them play, I looked into their dancing eyes as they talked, laughed, watched TV. I tried to see them the way other people in their lives see them, as faceless, not people, pawns, tools to be manipulated and shoved around to serve a purpose. I tried to erase their unique heart, soul, feelings, and future when I looked at them.

I couldn’t do it.

One of the hardest things about dealing with an alienating parent is the constant, bewildering, unbelieving sense of “How can you do that to the kids?” Skim just a few of the step-parenting blogs in my blog list, and it won’t take long to hit a frustrated, painstaking “How can she/he do that? Why does he/she hurt the kids like that?”

Kids are too young to completely understand what is happening, and they are too innocent to even contemplate that someone they love and trust may not be at all what they appear. Kids are easy victims, trusting, innocent, loving. To abuse their trust is disgusting and cowardly.

It’s a knee-jerk reaction, especially if the alienating parent is the mother, to listen to the horrific behavior with a sickening sense of disbelief, then brush it off with “She’s mentally ill. She’s sick. She believes her own lies.” There, no need to dive further in exploration of this behavior. Ah, she can’t help it. She just needs counseling. It’s easier to flip the mental illness card than believe a parent can be simply rotten.

We as a culture simply can’t stomach the fact that some mothers are ill-suited for parenting, and especially that some are outright dangers to their own children. Our Hallmark induced pedastal of motherhood won’t allow us to accept that giving birth does not make an instant, competent parent.

Imagine you are told that a father lies to his kids, grills them for information when they return from their mother’s, tells them they must love their mother more than they love him if they don’t cough up the information he wants fast enough. What an ass, right? He shouldn’t be allowed near the kids, jail him, fine him, deny his parental rights, etc.

Now let’s substitute “mother” into this scenario. More than likely your mommy myth preservation kicked in and you started conjuring up excuses for her behavior, or thought she needed psychological help, or *insert any bullshit excuse that is fabricated for unacceptable mothers’ behavior here*.

I don’t buy it. Lying to the kids, using them as tools, pumping them for information, manipulating them, and deliberately hurting them makes anyone a wretched parent, male or female. It’s hard to fathom how a parent can look at their children and see weapons where a living, breathing, feeling, hurting human being actually stands. However difficult that is to grasp, however, it does happen. Refusing to admit that parents, even mothers, are capable and more than willing to abuse their children to score a point or two against the other parent leaves the kids unprotected and wide open to more hurt.

The last things kids in this situation need is another adult with their own best interests in mind instead of the kids’.

*”Faceless” image courtesy of Russ Okon*

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in kids, mentally ill parents, pawns, using kids. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Faceless

  1. Dijea says:

    Its sad that people let hate fester and turn themselves into people they never were. I’ve seen it so much and it really comes to nothing. They don’t get anything out of it but alienation and more hate.

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    I don’t agree that they don’t get anything out of it, or else it wouldn’t continue for so long. It’s hard to imagine hurting the kids being worth anything, but apparently to them it truly is.

  3. Very well said. It is unreal, and so sad that parents do this to children, and making it worse if the double standard between ‘mothers’ and fathers.

  4. Syn says:

    After more than a decade of alienation which eventually worked…the close relationship with the stepkids is gone. How do you get that back?To make mommy happy, I am nothing. I am to be treated like I am nobody. Where once I was a second mom to my stepdaughter (in her eyes and heart) now that is all ignored to keep mom from emotionally manipulating and damaging them. How do you take it back though? How do you get beyond all of that and reach the child (now a teen) again? My stepkids come here in a couple weeks for a week and I’d like to take a step (or five) back to the relationship I used to have with my stepdaughter. I miss her. I don’t know how to do it…or if it is even possible. I don’t even know if she remembers anymore.

  5. Well written and I so agree. I don’t think Riddle has a mental disorder, I think she is a selfish, slimy, manipulative, greedy mother who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. There truly is no excuse.

  6. Well written and I so agree. I don’t think Riddle has a mental disorder, I think she is a selfish, slimy, manipulative, greedy mother who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. There truly is no excuse.

  7. Crys says:

    As you know from my blogs, I despise the mental illness card. I just can’t give in to any excuses. I’ve worked hard to try and not get so angry now when it happens. I’ve been trying to use positivity and care instead of focusing on what horrible thing she’s doing. (at least when it comes to my actions and feelings, that’s what my blogs for, right?) Thank you for such a great post.

  8. I realize I’ve been awol for a while so sorry if I’m asking something you already covered but… where did Batshit’s blog go? It seems to have disappeared??? I did post one comment on there but it was non-threatening, I promise! I simply pointed out that I didnt see a need for ppl to email her with threats or questions when they could just post a simple comment to ask her questions just as I was doing. : ) She’s vile. It is an absolutely unacceptable situation that those kids have to suffer because of HER agenda/choices/insanity but hopefully as they get older they will start to see thru it all and make their own choices. Oh and for the record (in case I even need to say it) the “mental illness card” is a bunch of bullshit. I am bipolar and it has never ever gotten in the way of me properly raising my kids and I have even taken gone so far as to take precautions (ie medical power of attorney, temporary custody type things for the kids.. and no, it was not a pleasant thing to do but it is the RIGHT and RESPONSIBLE thing to do) should something ever happen and I become ill that my kids are cared for because that is my responsibility as a parent. My children didnt ask to have some crazy bitch dragging them through stupid shit cuz I’m a loon and cant get me head out me arse. NOT AN EXCUSE. ahhh its good to be back : )

  9. Smirking Cat says:

    Hey Unstable Blogger, glad to see you are back!

  10. macocha says:

    what is really sad is these alienators start believing what they spout…that is in a sense as horrible as spouting it. then they get those around them believing that shit…hence the vibe spreads…it is a domino affect and it takes many to take that one piece out of the path to make the cycle stop…what a shame… and it is the courts that usually allow the dominoes to keep falling 😦p.s. you can put my link back up if you want – I think I am good now…

  11. packey says:

    I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.Betty< HREF="http://laptopprocessor.info" REL="nofollow">http://laptopprocessor.info<>

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