Ugly Shoes Make Me Cry

Long after the advent of the retina-abusing, eyeball-bleeding ugliness called Crocs, long after their loathesome visual assault was mercilessly launched and puzzlingly embraced by wayward souls, I still cringe and taste a dash of bile when I spot these hideous contraptions on some misled individual’s (probably sweaty and smelly) feet. Crocs have drawn a follower of haters and even t-shirts dedicated to broadcasting one’s distaste for the ugliest shoes known to humanity.

Wait, I take that back. Rest assured I still consider Crocs as ugly as sin, but there are those amongst us who beg to throw the gauntlet and raise the bar on hideousness.

Skechers is one of these deprived companies, bringing us this from the bowels of hell:

This style (I use the term loosely) is whimsically called Doodlebugs Furry Tales, an overly-cutesy name dripping with pastel-colored saccharine, ensured to convince your unsuspecting and naive daughter that what she is about to place on her feet is not a doo-doo tinted pile of crap with cheap pink fur and mini flowers plastered in the vent holes. Ah, no! “She’ll live happily ever after in the SKECHERS Cali Gear Doodlebugs-Furry Tales clog” enthuses the product description, almost leading you to believe that Cinderella herself daintily donned glass, camo, fur-lined clogs and gracelessly clomped her way to the ball.

Luckily, the following eyesore for feet is soon to be out of season:


The aptly-named Uggs boot, a notorious favorite ugly foot cover of celebrities for some unfathomable reason, is proof positive that if Cosmo urges women to wear something, the fashion slaves will unquestioningly wear it, no matter how absurdly unattractive it may be. The word “clodhopper” comes to mind when I reluctantly spot these shapeless, ridiculous practical jokes of the footwear world, and where the “WTF?”-inducing trend to couple these heavy, ugly boots with skirts spawned, only Satan knows.

And Crocs wearers.

Any other votes for the ugliest shoes you have ever seen?

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
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10 Responses to Ugly Shoes Make Me Cry

  1. Every time I see Crocs or Uggs I feel light headed. I must quickly close my eyes and think of fields of flowers and rainbows to get the image from my head.Both the Uggs and the Crocs are the worst things ever created in the shoe world.

  2. Dijea says:

    I’d much rather see a croc than a nasty pair of ughs. But give me a pair of red 4 inch heels and I’m happy.

  3. furiousBall says:

    these things are awesome at making your feet smell like shit

  4. oooooooooh noooo… not sketchers too! im really sad now! happy friday!

  5. I am soooo with you on this one. What self-respecting woman wears those things???? I don’t see many crocs on the college campus, but I see a crapload of UGGS. And we live in Southern California for Christ’s sake…It is way too warm here to warrant any UGG wearing.

  6. phairhead says:

    comfort is no excuse for bad fashion

  7. Hey, that pic you posted of the tan UGGs look just like my pair. Rest assured though, they were a gift, and I DO NOT WEAR THEM with my pant legs tucked in…or even out of the house, most of the time. They’re like my house slippers because my feet are always cold, and they are super comfy. If I do wear them out (like a trip to the grocery store or something) I wear baggy pants OVER them so no one can see how ugly they are.Crocs are evil and should be burned. All of them! Along with…any UGG variation with fur or other embellishments. Or any UGG that is spotted plainly out of doors. That’s my take on it!

  8. kel says:

    My six year old wants crocs..and I said “oh hail no!”love your blog!!!

  9. Syn says:

    My husband and I were out to lunch a few days ago with two of our kids. There was a man in the restaurant who had on a yellow shirt, jeans, and red crocs! OMG! RED on a MAN! I asked my husband how people could think those shoes were attractive…weren’t they originally gardening shoes or something? Then the family got up and I saw that mom and daughter had crocs on too (though neither one of them had the stop light red ones on, lol).

  10. sharyn TG says:

    HAY! My cat wears Crocs. He really digs them and says that he needs the new furry ones now.

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