Long after the advent of the retina-abusing, eyeball-bleeding ugliness called Crocs, long after their loathesome visual assault was mercilessly launched and puzzlingly embraced by wayward souls, I still cringe and taste a dash of bile when I spot these hideous contraptions on some misled individual’s (probably sweaty and smelly) feet. Crocs have drawn a follower of haters and even t-shirts dedicated to broadcasting one’s distaste for the ugliest shoes known to humanity.
Wait, I take that back. Rest assured I still consider Crocs as ugly as sin, but there are those amongst us who beg to throw the gauntlet and raise the bar on hideousness.
Skechers is one of these deprived companies, bringing us this from the bowels of hell:
This style (I use the term loosely) is whimsically called Doodlebugs Furry Tales, an overly-cutesy name dripping with pastel-colored saccharine, ensured to convince your unsuspecting and naive daughter that what she is about to place on her feet is not a doo-doo tinted pile of crap with cheap pink fur and mini flowers plastered in the vent holes. Ah, no! “She’ll live happily ever after in the SKECHERS Cali Gear Doodlebugs-Furry Tales clog” enthuses the product description, almost leading you to believe that Cinderella herself daintily donned glass, camo, fur-lined clogs and gracelessly clomped her way to the ball.
Luckily, the following eyesore for feet is soon to be out of season:
The aptly-named Uggs boot, a notorious favorite ugly foot cover of celebrities for some unfathomable reason, is proof positive that if Cosmo urges women to wear something, the fashion slaves will unquestioningly wear it, no matter how absurdly unattractive it may be. The word “clodhopper” comes to mind when I reluctantly spot these shapeless, ridiculous practical jokes of the footwear world, and where the “WTF?”-inducing trend to couple these heavy, ugly boots with skirts spawned, only Satan knows.
And Crocs wearers.
Any other votes for the ugliest shoes you have ever seen?