SUV Drivers: See those White Lines in the Parking Lot?

Attention, all gargantuan SUV drivers: your vehicle, though unnaturally large and able to seat 50, is still designed to fit into one parking space.

This is clearly an astounding announcement to many of you, as you straddle the parking space lines and hog two spaces on a regular basis. For the second time just this week, I have encountered the absurdly-large SUV or truck-with-triple-extended-cab-as-large-as-my-car-before-you-even-hit-the-bed-of-that-thing, plopped directly across 2 parking spaces as if burning through gas like it’s free entitles a person to twice the parking spaces.

I have a wild and crazy suggestion. If you can’t drive or park such a large vehicle, then please trade down to a Geo Metro and try your hand at keeping one of those babies between the lines. Everyone will be safer once you are no longer behind the wheel of that aircraft-carrier-on-wheels, and the rest of us may actually have somewhere to park.


About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
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13 Responses to SUV Drivers: See those White Lines in the Parking Lot?

  1. hey! i see your cat… very cute favicon… i like yours! happy friday…

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    Thanks for the tip on how to add one! I made one for Lipstick Grafitti too!

  3. furiousBall says:

    i wonder if you pooped on this car’s hood, would the driver think it was a tall dog?

  4. Crys says:

    Apparently they’ve never heard of the back up and re-adjust suggestion. You should totally leave a note on their wind shield. Just a friendly “Congrats, you have successfully parked like an a-hole, how about getting a car you know how to park” note.

  5. Smirking Cat says:

    FuriousBall, do you often leave droppings on parked cars?

  6. phairhead says:

    it’s almost as if they’re proud to take up 3 parking spaces. economy cars be damned! i’m a man w/ an SUV and big penis. MUHAHAHAHAHA!

  7. Oh Geez, I could not agree more! And if they’re not taking two adjacent spaces up, they’re taking up two spaces end to end….sometimes BOTH!

    What I hate is when I pull to the median of the 4 lane road in my Mustang, and up comes a gigantic SUV or minivan blocking my view. Then half the time those idiots look at me like I’m stupid when I can’t see through their vehicles to know that it’s clear for me to go.

  8. Flutterby says:

    You do know they do it on purpose… so no one will park close enough to ding them with their door. It’s not just SUV’s that park like that… it’s also people in new cars, or expensive cars. They think they own the world and that the usual rules of general politeness do not apply to them. The note I leave on the window to them says “Are you REALLY an asshole or do you just PARK like one…?”

    Seriously. I have done that before. You can actually buy business sized cards that have that printed on them. I prefer to write my own though. Much more personal.

  9. I drive a big SUV…or I did until it died last week…but I know how to park. *preens*

    With that said, I hate anybody who takes up two parking spaces with their stupid cars. Especially the people with the fancy sports cars who feel they need to park directly in the center of two spaces to avoid potentially being struck, spit on, set on fire or exploded by a roving band of Demons-Who-Are-Unable-To-Cross-Parking-Lot-Lines.

  10. Syn says:

    I have a Durango and I always park within the lines, backing up when I have to in order to fix it so me and my kids can get out (or the people on either side of me) without banging cars on either side. I think it’s arrogance for people who straddle two spots – they’re more important than the person who would otherwise use the parking spot they are hogging in addition to their own. I also think if they want to straddle two lanes to avoid dings or whatever they should park towards the end of the lot instead of taking up valuable parking space towards the front. I think they’re asking for a keying by doing otherwise(not by me of course because I’m well-behaved but they’ll tick the wrong person off someday:)

  11. Kiki21806 says:

    ok, I’m guilty for driving a Suburban (BUS) but I am always very aware of how I park.

    I laugh to myself when I send my son out of the car to see how much further I have to go back or forward

    Female no penis conscious of others!
    Love driving my SUV.


  12. They don’t call it “asshole parking” for nothing! I run into this at the commuter train station a lot and I find the easiest way to solve the problem is to squeeze in next to them, preferably on their driver’s side. 😉

  13. Me again. I just wanted to say thank you for posting that Stop Parental Alienation banner. Wonderful information there! I have posted a banner too. We are dealing with PA and fighting a court battle to get the kid back before it is too late. Every bit of information helps.

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