I heard snippets yesterday, thanks to the blaring volume of a co-worker’s radio, of an enraged and more-than-slightly insane- sounding man, shrieking the battle cry of anti-gay bigots: “God said Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!”
Given that I was at work, and in the close proximity of She Who Signs My Paychecks, I stifled the reflex to gag and possibly vomit on our new carpet at what had to be the millionth recital of that dusty, not terribly clever, and amazingly annoying little phrase (uttered at the top of this man’s lungs, by the way, which seems to be typical of walking irritants who claim God as their accomplice in their shouted rants…perhaps hate makes one hard of hearing?)
Well, now, did God actually drop the words “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” during morning coffee or a round of golf with one of these Bible-thumping zealots? Did God Twitter or e-mail or instant message these oft-repeated words during some much-needed downtime from making the master list of future hell-dwellers?
The Bible says a lot of things. Apparently much of it was written in invisible ink, indetectable to those who brandish the Bible to advance their cause of judging others and spewing righteous hate. I’ve read this particular tome at least twice, which serves me well in debate with religious junkies who more often than not have actually never read the entire document and have relied exclusively on being told what to think while perched in a pew when it serves them to appear pious.
I recall several mentions of things roughly amounting to focusing on your own relationship with God and not worrying so damn much about everyone else; on doing unto others what you would have done unto you; and not judging others unless you are prepared to be judged yourself.
Funny how all of this is passed over in a rabid crusade to point fingers and personally condemn others to hell for having a lifestyle different from themselves. Truly, I imagine any sane individual has a different lifestyle than those who preach hatred, can’t think for themselves, and await God him or herself to serve as their back-up and footnote, and who have personally declared themselves God’s spokesperson and power-of-attorney on Earth. Is that printed on their business cards, I wonder?
Ah, funny too how anti-gay often translates into anti-gay-men. How come these whackjobs never fill the airwaves by shrieking something monstrously clever and catchy like “Adam and Eve, not Madame and Eve!” (Hey, not much rhymes with Adam. You try it.) I suppose gay women conjure up their frequently tapped-into notion of the ever-popular “girl on girl” porn action and therefore are not nearly as offensive to their delicate psyches.
Bottom line? I don’t give a rat’s ass who anyone else thinks is on God’s naughty list. There’s not a person alive who couldn’t stand to subject themselves to self-scrutiny and self-improvement, yet apparently turning that critical eye upon others is much more fun. Like a school yard bully taunting from behind a bigger kid’s legs, these individuals are beyond pathetic. A better use of that Bible would be to deliver a sound blow upside their heads and perhaps at least give us a few moments peace from their shrill rhymes and cacophonous bullshit.