"Adam and Steve"

I heard snippets yesterday, thanks to the blaring volume of a co-worker’s radio, of an enraged and more-than-slightly insane- sounding man, shrieking the battle cry of anti-gay bigots: “God said Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!”

Given that I was at work, and in the close proximity of She Who Signs My Paychecks, I stifled the reflex to gag and possibly vomit on our new carpet at what had to be the millionth recital of that dusty, not terribly clever, and amazingly annoying little phrase (uttered at the top of this man’s lungs, by the way, which seems to be typical of walking irritants who claim God as their accomplice in their shouted rants…perhaps hate makes one hard of hearing?)

Well, now, did God actually drop the words “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” during morning coffee or a round of golf with one of these Bible-thumping zealots? Did God Twitter or e-mail or instant message these oft-repeated words during some much-needed downtime from making the master list of future hell-dwellers?

The Bible says a lot of things. Apparently much of it was written in invisible ink, indetectable to those who brandish the Bible to advance their cause of judging others and spewing righteous hate. I’ve read this particular tome at least twice, which serves me well in debate with religious junkies who more often than not have actually never read the entire document and have relied exclusively on being told what to think while perched in a pew when it serves them to appear pious.

I recall several mentions of things roughly amounting to focusing on your own relationship with God and not worrying so damn much about everyone else; on doing unto others what you would have done unto you; and not judging others unless you are prepared to be judged yourself.

Funny how all of this is passed over in a rabid crusade to point fingers and personally condemn others to hell for having a lifestyle different from themselves. Truly, I imagine any sane individual has a different lifestyle than those who preach hatred, can’t think for themselves, and await God him or herself to serve as their back-up and footnote, and who have personally declared themselves God’s spokesperson and power-of-attorney on Earth. Is that printed on their business cards, I wonder?

Ah, funny too how anti-gay often translates into anti-gay-men. How come these whackjobs never fill the airwaves by shrieking something monstrously clever and catchy like “Adam and Eve, not Madame and Eve!” (Hey, not much rhymes with Adam. You try it.) I suppose gay women conjure up their frequently tapped-into notion of the ever-popular “girl on girl” porn action and therefore are not nearly as offensive to their delicate psyches.

Bottom line? I don’t give a rat’s ass who anyone else thinks is on God’s naughty list. There’s not a person alive who couldn’t stand to subject themselves to self-scrutiny and self-improvement, yet apparently turning that critical eye upon others is much more fun. Like a school yard bully taunting from behind a bigger kid’s legs, these individuals are beyond pathetic. A better use of that Bible would be to deliver a sound blow upside their heads and perhaps at least give us a few moments peace from their shrill rhymes and cacophonous bullshit.

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in anti-gay, Bible thumpers, hate, holier-than-thou assholes. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to "Adam and Steve"

  1. Georgina says:

    Very well written. Excellent post. And what the hell, I'll say “Amen” to that too! – G

  2. Isn't it scary how the Bible is oft misquoted for one's own power? Yikes.

    I was watching a docco on polygamy the other day where I heard the brilliant slogan, “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Eve and Susan and Beth…” I'd never heard that one before. Ugh. Barf.

    Oh, and, you don't follow God on Twitter? 😉 Happy weekend.

  3. Smirking Cat says:

    “Susan and Beth”? Why, that doesn't even rhyme. They didn't put much effort into that. If I have to listen to hate-speak, it better rhyme and have a catchy beat.

  4. I feel the same way. If everyone started minding their own business, and stopped hating people for what goes on in their bedroom, the world would be a better place. Granted I don't like to see 2 men standing on the corner making out, but I also don't like to see a man and a women doing the same thing! Take it to the bedroom, and behind closed doors! Instead of ranting about hating gay people, they should be happy two people found love in a non-abusive relationship and put their efforts to stopping something important, like poverty or AIDS.

  5. Crys says:

    That is disgusting. I am not a fan of that type of “hate” that attacks people. Although, on an episode of robot chicken they did have Adam and some guy naming the animals. It cracked me up.

  6. I am Protestant and, I guess you could say, anti-gay in my beliefs. However, I am definitely not one of the psycho haters- one of my best friends is bisexual and a co-worker of mine is openly gay, which has never bothered me. My big issue with everything that's been going on is that most companies don't offer “domestic partner benefits,” so gay or lesbian couples are neither able to marry or maintain insurance on each other. That's just wrong. Regardless of whether or not you agree with the lifestyle, it's nobody's decision to rob them of the same benefits that are provided to every straight person on the planet. Ugh.

  7. mary peck says:

    Don't judge, lest ye be judged.

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