Mooning the Lightning

Last night the Tampa Bay Lightning, my frustrating, pitiful, and thoroughly rotten hockey team, faced off against the New York Rangers in a game made much more interesting by the man in the suit behind New York’s team: John Tortorella.

Remember him? The head coach fired by the Lightning before being replaced by Mullet Man (a.k.a. Barry Melrose, who was also subsequently fired)? Ah, yes, rings a bell now. The man cut from the team and basically blamed for the Lightning’s never-ending poor performance?

How deliciously satisfying it must have been for Torts to watch his ex-team stumble about idiotically on the ice, ineptly and dumbly watching the puck whiz into the net 8 times for the Rangers. The Rangers stomped the Lightning mercilessly to a final score of 8-2, leaving them broken and bleeding to limp home with their collective tails tucked between their feeble legs.

I will give it to Torts, every time the camera panned across his face, he showed no emotion whatsoever. Me? Forget it! If I had been fired and blamed for the Lightning’s record-breaking incompetence, then mangled them later with my new team, I’d have been laughing, pointing, shouting, “How you like me now?” every time my new team scored, dancing, or as Gary suggested, mooning the old team with great delight. I would have enjoyed every drop of every second and made sure the entire arena knew just how much ecstacy it was bringing me to trounce a team that dismissed me as the cause of their suckiness.

Well, Lightning, you are on your second coach since Torts and you are still a wretched, pitiable hockey team. Who gets fired next?


About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in hockey, John Tortorella, New York Rangers, Tampa Bay Lightning. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Mooning the Lightning

  1. I know how you feel. The Ravens released Matt Stover, because he missed a few LONG distance field goals. Well he has been kicking ass with the Colts, and made some good kicks against us. I feel like screaming “YOU IDIOTS” at the Raven's mgmt for letting him go. Not to mention his replacement BLEW, and if he could have made his field goals, we would have won a few more games.

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    I don't think Tortorella would have been able to generate a better season with the Lightning. There is a serious problem with their starting line-up (Vinny, Marty, the untouchables who have stopped performing). No one seems to want to admit that, so black sheep keep getting singled out instead.

  3. Amy says:

    I'm sorry that your team is still not performing. Maybe this will be the wake up call they needed to change out the starters.

    And no, I don't do hockey. Football is bad enough. 😉

  4. kimberlina says:

    hockey is great for the beer and the fact that it's indoors! at least, here in tampa. 😉 yay for the south!

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