Ugly

After a peaceful weekend with the kids, enjoying the park most of Saturday afternoon and then a hilarious dance contest, snuggling, and joking with each other the rest of our time together, dropping them off this evening was an abrupt and complete change of tone.

Dropping the kids off this evening turned into multiple threats to call the police, accusations that Gary takes too long to say good-bye to the kids, accusations that the kids crying when Gary is leaving is completely Gary’s fault and could be prevented if he would just say good-bye in the car, Gary’s ex’s father threatening both Gary and me, her father bowing up and planting himself an inch from my face as he ranted hate, Gary’s ex shrieking at me to “shut up” and “You’re not their mother”, her father telling me I am “nothing”, Gary being told more than once to “control” me, and trying our best to comfort and calm the kids in the middle of a scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nestcrossed with The Twilight Zone.

The diabolical, horrifying, unbelievable offense that set all of this off?

I asked Gary’s ex why the kids have not been permitted to read e-cards that I have been sending to Wolverine’s e-mail address.

Oh, and we took Dove for a much-needed, long-overdue haircut.

The explosion that followed was so over-the-top that it would have been comical.

Except the kids saw and heard all of it.

Except the instant Gary’s ex’s father started shouting, Bear grasped the front of Gary’s shirt and cried, “Daddy, I’m never going to see you again” and burst into tears.

Except the kids cried through the whole ugly, unnecessary mess.

Except the kids now believe they are doing something wrong by wanting to say good-bye to their father.

Except the kids’ love for me and for their father was yet again trampled on, disrespected, and brushed aside as inconsequential.

Except the level of hostility and anger was so far above and beyond normal that, more than ever, we question the kids’ safety.

Except scaring the hell out of the kids was absolutely no deterrant whatsoever to anyone but Gary and me. It was as if they do not matter as human beings with feelings.

Except the kids were still shaken, crying, and stunned when we left.

Except that each time Gary’s ex’s father bellowed “Call the law”, Bear cried even harder, sobbing, “Grandpa, don’t!” clutching the sleeve of my shirt tight.

Except when Gary called on the way home to check on the kids, he was subjected to yet another diatribe from his ex’s father about how he needs to “control” me and how he put me up to asking the question about my e-cards not being shown to the kids, mingled with other gems of bile that, yet again, the kids overheard.

Except the kids have been sacrificed, victimized, shoved aside, used, dismissed, toyed with, and hurt over and over again far too many times already.

What the kids saw and heard tonight was beyond shameful. True colors burst forth in the ugliest, vilest, most disgraceful display of behavior I have seen in a long time.

*”Anger” image courtesy of leeyoungheui.com*

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in "best interests of the kids", anger, kids, senseless. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Ugly

  1. Amy says:

    How can these people be so unfeeling and so immature as to behave like this. It really makes you question who the child(ren) are.

    This woman needs to go to counseling and anger management.

    Oh and grandpa (and I use that term loosely) needs to realize that YOU are the step-MOM. He is nothing but the jerk who obviously did an absolutely horrid job of parenting because if he were any type of decent parent at all- he would smack his foul mouthed child in the mouth and tell her to grow up.

  2. Yikes we've had similar shenanigans which is why until today I haven't every done a pick-up. Of course the first question the child's mother asks when she gets her call is 'why was stef driving the car?' even though she knows that the b.f had surgery last week.

    argh!

  3. phairhead says:

    That's shameful and disgusting behaviour!!! It makes you wonder what else she says and does w/out you and Gary around

  4. phairhead says:

    ARGH!!!!!!!!!! she's diabolical. poor kids 😦

  5. Big Boops says:

    I have had the exact same experiences time and again. My husband's ex actually had her girlfriends send her flowers to console her for the birth of my child. It astounds me every single time at how selfish and self-centered a scorned woman can be. Hell really does have no furry like it.

  6. That is unbelievable. Maybe you need to do your switch overs in a more public place like the parking lot of a Wal Mart or something.

    I just don't understand how people can act like that in front of their kids. And then she has the nerve to say it's Gary's fault the Kid's are upset, when it is her and her father who are acting like moron's and throwing temper tantrums?

  7. I'm so sorry for the kids. And for you and Gary; there are few things more frustrating and exhausting that this. We had many, many problems with The Ex's parents too (and grandpa is a cop, so you can imagine how well that went over). Like you, our hearts broke for The Kid but we bit the bullet and acted like adults. Down the line, The Kid understands everything and sees the hypocrisy. But waiting the many years for him to see it for himself, knowing he was surrounded by such venom, was one of the hardest things I've had to do as an individual and we have had to do as a couple.
    I hope you guys find some peace, and soon.

  8. Sharon says:

    That is just awful. All I can say is that you might want to limit your contact with their mom and grandpa in the future. It shouldn't have to be that way, but protecting the kids comes first.

  9. not much to say other than.. it just soo soo sad..

    maybe you guys should buy a hidden video camera, tote it around…?

  10. I remember that happening to us too- as you probably recall, it ended in an assault conviction for the ex and a few hard-earned bruises for me. The difference is that our BM has now backed off…she knows better. It sounds like Gary's ex's father makes the situation a million times worse by encouraging her behavior and acting like the egotistical, classless bastard that he is. And as long as she's got him backing her up, it will continue.

    I'm so sorry. 😦 Those poor, poor babies.

  11. Smirking Cat says:

    Never-Mom, I do remember that…and I actually thought of you and your situation when I saw the irrational and completely out of control venom unleashed last night.

  12. Syn says:

    Those poor kids. A good, caring mother would never subject her children to that kind of hate directed towards their other parent. The emotional scars that leaves…from experience, those scars last.

  13. AngryDad says:

    i don't get how mothers like that don't see what that what they are doing is harmful. sigh. frustrating. stuff like this has happened so much with my daughter that she's starting to cling to my new wife as a mother figure more than her own mom. which is great, but the downside is that it causes even more problems. the never ending cycle.

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