Haircuts, Knots, and Blowdryers

Why do I have long hair? Because I love the luxurious, feminine aura of dead growth dangling down to my ass? Because I enjoy the charming way it sheds absolutely everywhere and forms a mini rug on the bathrooom floor? Or because I appreciate the fantastic upper body workout gained from detangling it after a shower?

Nope. My hair is long because, quite frankly, I hate getting haircuts.

Mind you, my hair is stick-straight, all one length. Quite possibly the easiest haircut known to humanity, yet everyone who comes near it with scissors manages to screw it up. Uneven layers, chunks that won’t stay in a ponytail, whacking off half a foot instead of an inch, you name it.

Last night I finally caved, wandered into a salon, and asked for two inches off to get rid of the split ends. Feeling particularly brave and whimsical, I also asked for long layers to be hacked in while she was at it.

Apparently it’s been longer than I thought since my last haircut. After struggling to reach my ends by practically turning herself upside down, the stylish finally asked, “Do you mind standing up for this part?”

I held my breath when I sat down again and let her wield the scissors to make layers in the front of my hair. Wow, that’s a lot of hair that just fell to the floor. I resisted the urge to snatch her arm mid-snip, and I let her finish her work.

The process was relatively painless…until she tried to blowdry my hair. Hair as long as mine does not play well with brushes. I have a high pain threshhold, thanks to growing up with three brothers who shared my “let’s try it, and wash the blood off at the hose later if we have to” attitude as we grew up and barely survived together, but this stylist was vying for a chance at the title of soliciting the most pain. My hair snarled in the brush, which was predictable, and when a good yank didn’t release it, hey, just yank again, only harder!

I shot her a vicious look in the mirror through the curtain of wet, dark hair falling over my face. Since it had the effect of making me closely resemble Samara from The Ring…:

…then the stylist wisely decided to stop tearing my hair from my scalp and find a tad gentler approach.

I left an hour later with a smile on my face, though, because despite her questionable blow drying skills, the stylist managed to give me exactly what I asked for, and even with layers, my hair stays back neatly in a ponytail without annoying pieces springing out. Because what is the point of growing ridiculously long hair, except to always have it pulled back in a ponytail?

*Haircut image courtesy of hairstylelounge.sheknows.comselected strictly because I love leopard print!*

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
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3 Responses to Haircuts, Knots, and Blowdryers

  1. I know how you feel! My hair is stick straight, and very fine/thin. I have had so many bad haircuts, I can't even count them all. You should remember that girls name. I finally found a girl I like, and I have followed her to 3 salons.

  2. Crys says:

    I too have straight fine/thin hair that has a little natural wavy flip when cut wrong. I finally found a stylist who can make my hair look awesome. I only wish I had her styling skills for the next day. Ha ha.

  3. I have fine, straight hair too…but a lot of it, which makes it especially difficult. I had it long for most of my life and then hacked it all off after I turned over my last rodeo queen title. No more nights with my hair gel-drying in bobby pins in an effort to achieve that perfect curl! YAY! So now I keep it about jaw-length…in a reverse mullet…which you so kindly are trying to cure me of. 😉

    I do have a lot of respect for people who keep their hair long, though. It is a ton of work, even with the inevitable everyday ponytail solution. Congrats on finding a decent stylist! I hope you get to use her again.

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