Stick People for Shitty Parents

I’m sure by now, unless you have the envious gift of blotting out nauseatingly cutesy, overdone trends, then you have spotted those dorky stick figure decals on the backs of, usually, mini-vans and bus-sized SUV’s littered with candy droppings, semi-empty fast food cups, and random wadded-up trash crammed beneath the sticky seats.

They’re not my thing. Why would anyone driving behind you give a rat’s ass how many times you have witlessly reproduced?

There’s a forced quality about these decals that turns me off (“We are a family, damnit!” through gritted teeth), but they have a fan club of mostly middle-aged women who have resigned themselves to the fact that their family wagon will never be cool anyway.

The annoying little stick figures can be personalized with pigtails, long hair, no hair, pants or a skirt, etc., but one thing is constant: the figures are always radiantly beaming, so insanely happy they are ready to explode, with gigantic, fantastically ecstatic grins permanently etched onto their no-nose faces.

I got to wondering: what if these stick figure families were more accurate? What if they represented each family member for who they genuinely are?

What if there was one specifically for the multitude of malicious mothers?

Naturally I couldn’t find one online, in the land of happy-happy, but here is a prestigious, up-and-coming artist’s rendering of a much more accurate, true-to-life “family” stick figure decal that is worthy of any malfunctioning, alienating parent:

(Click the image to enjoy a somewhat larger view.)

I don’t suppose it would sell well, as honesty is not a strong suit of any parent who deserves this decal. Still…it is a far more fair representation for certain people than anything I have seen.

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in alienating parents suck, dorky trends, malicious mothers, stick figure family decals. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Stick People for Shitty Parents

  1. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this! I feel the exact same way!!! To me they scream, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I'M A MOM! I SHUTTLE MY KIDS TO SOCCER, THAT MAKES ME THE BEST MOM EVER!”

  2. ChapmansRus says:

    hmm, how very accurate of our BM… I doubt she'd put it on whatever new vehicle she's driving these days…

    On another note, those stupid decals only serve stalkers, child molesters & identity thieves… you've given them a last name, how many children you have & in some cases, your childrens' names… put it together with one of those “My kid is on the Honor Roll @ _____” & they know what neighborhood you live in…

  3. Smirking Cat says:

    That makes it more than a little ironic that a known stalker in these parts has one of these lame stickers on her car.

  4. i am laughing so hard..cause what else can i truly do!

    oh yea.. the devil horns up there… REALLY lovin' those!

  5. Amy says:

    Throw in a ritzy car and you have a kidnapper's dream.

    Stalkers… UGH!

  6. Dijea says:

    Don't those stickers help pedophiles know the names of your kids. I think parents who do that are just asking for trouble.

  7. phairhead says:

    i hate those stupid stickers. it's this decade's version of “Baby on Board”

    i laughed at the improved stick figured and then i felt sad because it's true

  8. Lori G. says:

    OMG, I love the new version you designed.

    I would see these and wonder how do divorced parents/stepmoms use these? Like +2 next to the mom? 🙂

  9. Talia says:

    OMG! Do you know my husband's ex wife? Seriously, every single thing in your picture depicts who she is.

    Laugh, laugh, laugh! (because I could cry!) 🙂

  10. Pam says:

    This reminds me of a vehicle in my area. SUV I think. In the bottom left corner is a typical, smiling male figure. In the bottom right corner are two kids, with sad faces. Over the figures it says “Illegitimate” I cringed, then I laughed, then I cringed again. I finally decided its funny, as long as he doesn't actually have kids (which I don't know). Well, at least it's different.

  11. Have you seen the stick figure families with the big “x” striking out the dad? The Kid pointed one out to me the other day. Maybe that's the “easier on the eyes” version of parental alienation? I don't know what it was meant to symbolize, but both The Kid and I decided it meant the mom was a bitch.

  12. Mister-M says:

    My favorite part of seeing these “family makeup” stickers in the window is that it gives those who are on the criminal side of life great additional information upon which to make a decision to target your household.

    Dog? Steer away.

    Young children to kidnap? Check.

    Big SUV = Cash, maybe big house with expensive possessions? Check.

    I can't wait to see people posting their social security numbers, bank accounts and routing numbers and such on the back window of their SUVs.

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