I’m sure by now, unless you have the envious gift of blotting out nauseatingly cutesy, overdone trends, then you have spotted those dorky stick figure decals on the backs of, usually, mini-vans and bus-sized SUV’s littered with candy droppings, semi-empty fast food cups, and random wadded-up trash crammed beneath the sticky seats.
They’re not my thing. Why would anyone driving behind you give a rat’s ass how many times you have witlessly reproduced?
There’s a forced quality about these decals that turns me off (“We are a family, damnit!” through gritted teeth), but they have a fan club of mostly middle-aged women who have resigned themselves to the fact that their family wagon will never be cool anyway.
The annoying little stick figures can be personalized with pigtails, long hair, no hair, pants or a skirt, etc., but one thing is constant: the figures are always radiantly beaming, so insanely happy they are ready to explode, with gigantic, fantastically ecstatic grins permanently etched onto their no-nose faces.
I got to wondering: what if these stick figure families were more accurate? What if they represented each family member for who they genuinely are?
What if there was one specifically for the multitude of malicious mothers?
Naturally I couldn’t find one online, in the land of happy-happy, but here is a prestigious, up-and-coming artist’s rendering of a much more accurate, true-to-life “family” stick figure decal that is worthy of any malfunctioning, alienating parent:
(Click the image to enjoy a somewhat larger view.)
I don’t suppose it would sell well, as honesty is not a strong suit of any parent who deserves this decal. Still…it is a far more fair representation for certain people than anything I have seen.