Looming on the horizon is an enormously important event, one that cannot be missed under any circumstances! Now that useless sports like football and basketball are finished, we can turn our attention back to the glory that is HOCKEY!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Tampa Bay Lightning’s preseason begins on September 21. Okay, this is not the best example of the glory of hockey, but if you have a good memory and a strong imagination, you can still conjure up the image of the Lightning hoisting the Stanley Cup back in yesteryear, likely to never be repeated, so just let me enjoy a moment of silence, please…
Gary and the kids must have missed pointing and laughing while my lower lip trembled, helplessly standing by as my team was decimated yet again by the opponent of the night. Their hearts must feel such a void at not being able to say things like “That was so awful, it was Tampa Bay Lightning awful” or “Smirking Cat, why don’t you just pick another team?”
Preparations must begin now: reviewing the team roster, marking games on my calendar, gargling saltwater to get ready for all that yelling at the TV, stocking up on tissues just in case the Lightning’s fumble-and-bumble playing style has yet to be altered.
My hockey jerseys are already proudly awaiting their moment, standing tall in my closet, all the tears from last year’s season washed away in anticipation of an it-can’t-possibly-be-any-worse-than-last-year new season.