Happy blogoversary to me! I may surprise myself with roses or lingerie later. Three years of Smirking Cat, and I love me just as much as the first day…
Speaking of loving the Smirking Cat, once upon a time about three years ago, when my blog went by a different name, I wrote a post titled Best Interests. (I’ve reposted it in its entirety here in a previous anniversary post). Here are some of the highlights of that post:
…the “best interests of the children” myth was squashed like a bug from the beginning. The kids are left broken and bleeding somewhere on the far edges of the background, a distant and dim afterthought coated with dust from neglect.
… The children’s relationships with their father are separate and apart from the relationship between the mother and the father. If Mom or Dad wants to sever the marriage or relationship between the parents, that is fine; however, neither Mom nor Dad owns the children’s relationship with the other parent, and interfering with that relationship is the epitome of poor parenting, selfishness, and immaturity.
…A parent during the marriage is still a parent after it. The men I personally know who are going through this nonsense right now put their hearts into being a father, and it’s shameful to watch the mothers behave like hateful, selfish rodents, refusing to let them see the kids, to be a part of their lives, to share in what they helped create. I truly don’t believe I’ve ever seen anything so repugnant or vile. It’s not about her, not even about the father; it’s supposed to be about the kids. … A mother who will shove that aside in order to placate her own ego does not deserve to be called a mother at all.
Posted at 10/15/2007 03:07:00 PM 14 comments
Ah, yes…those infamous 14 comments. The inadvertent birth of Smirking Cat. The hailstorm of exchanges between “Anonymous” and me included gems like these (I’ve edited for length and have left Anonymous’ copious spelling and grammatical errors intact):
I have been through nasty divorce and subsequently a custody battle and whenever there is a nasty divorce and custody battle there is always a third party involved i.e. some bimbo the man has ran off with and its usually this “bimbo” that will lose the man the custody battle because she is commanding his time energy and from my experiences with friends who has been through and are still going through these so called nasty divorces it is the “third party” that has lost the man his children and I am a feminist but also believe that the father should participate monetarily and emotionally and physically but most of these men who have ran off with some sort of bimbo ends up screwd in the head and can’t do any of the above. This blog I have just read sounds like a woman who is giving a hidden message to another woman no doubt the “third party” herself, Whomever you are you do not realise how pathetic, insane and stupid you look to the rest of the world.
…If my comments resonate with you, and the truth hurts, well, by all means, alter your selfish behavior. …Issues between Mom and Dad have no place interfering with the kids’ relationships with either parent. …But back to my main point: any children involved still deserve a full, meaningful relationship with both parents.
wow! what a prompt reply to my blog. I just happen to type in the words “pathetic”,”feminist”,”Stupidand “fathers” and your blog appeared. I was quite enthralled and mostly confused at your blogs, because of all the ambiguous meanings in them. My divorce happened long ago, involving “the bimbo” and now my son is an adult and is able to think and see things for himself he has come to realise that staying with me was the best thing. His father never paid up or was attentive to any of our sons needs all decisions were based on what “this bimbo” had to say, and in the long run it did no favours to anyone least of all our son who now is estranged from his father through no fault of mine. Did I strike a nerve with yourself? Sorry for the bad punctuation, I don’t time for perfection.
…most of your comments are irrelevant to my original post or simply make no sense. …What is it, exactly, that you find so anger-provoking about a loving father remaining a valuable part of his children’s lives, no matter what has happened with the parents’ relationship?
For the record…if you enter the search terms “pathetic, feminist, stupid” and “fathers”, you will get many colorful and fiery websites, but alas! None of them are my blog.
Wow after reading your blog and the comments whom ever you are have passed back and forth, I have an input now. Okay I agree maybe you were trying to get a message across but you just say crap over and over again with no meaning. I also think after reading this that maybe you are really involved with one of these men you are talking about! You know the two getting a divorce, maybe you’re involved with both actually. As for the Bimbo comments well I think that was directed to you if you are involved with one or both of these men. I have lots of friends going through divorces at the moments and it is always some bimbo ruining things for the pair getting a divorce where the children are concerned. So are you the Bimbo????
You do not have a clear message in mind when you begin typing. In all honesty, your level of agitation regarding my blog, and about me, are beyond rational boundaries. You have yet to justify why equal parenting is such a wrathful concept for you. Healthy, loving parents should be able to separate their feelings about their ex from the primary rights and needs of their kids. Period. If that’s the same “crap over and over again” to you, then I truly commiserate with your children.
… I thought my message was pretty clear in the two blogs I wrote, obviously someone else has a message for you in the other blogs, I can understand by reading this other persons blog that she too has had an experience with a divorce or friends that have gone or going through divorces and based upon the general feeling with a lot of people is that during a nasty divorce like I said in my two blogs I wrote you is that there is usually a third party (bimbo!) that ruins things for the children i.e. visitation, child support etc. (you just never know the man could be lying to his new beau!) I notice someone has written and asked you whether you are the “bimbo” you didn’t reply this is very interesting because there are many woman who will advocate a father’s rights (usually the injured father) I have never seen a person like yourself so hell bent on advocating such issues, unless indeed you are doing on behalf of the father! So my question is are you the “third party” obviously this is creating some tension for you because I noticed you didn’t reply to the question the other person has asked you. Don’t worry about my punctuation, I don’t care,neither does anybody else only in important documents I pay attention. M.G.
… it seems your distorted view of reality (like pretending to be 2 different people who just happen to type the exact same way and use the exact same language) has obliterated your ability to think rationally on this matter and presumably most others. …Ultimately you keep missing the point: the kids should NEVER pay for any problems between the parents; they still deserve to enjoy their personal relationships with both parents.
can you stop typing from a idiots guide to being a therapist and just answer to the one question both of us have asked you, I say both of us because I sure as hell didn’t write all the blogs here! ARE YOU THE BIMBO IN QUESTION? we have both asked you this question and you are for some reason un-beknownst to us you don’t want to answer, or is it that there is the “poor innocent injured father” feeding you what to say. Three quarters of the things you have written so far remains “HORSE PUCKEY” the other quarter I feel is not coming from yourself, and if you think I am the only person here reading and answering to your blog think again girly or dare I say you could be a man pretending to be a woman. You know what, I just bet you haven’t got kids of your own and you haven’t even been through a traumatic divorce at all so all the stuff you are writing may be on behalf of someone else.
…what is it about putting kids’ needs before your own that makes you absolutely hemorrhage into a demented fit? …
you need to learn how to use words properly, some of your words don’t exist “girly” not even the idiots guide to being a therpist know some of the words they are very poorly put together you are definately having a fantasy about being someone you’re not! after reading all your blogs, I get the picture now and I feel sorry for whomevers poor woman’s kids that your supposedly “divorced” friend entrusts your company with, I wouldn’t trust you with my cats empty food bowls. I have showed your blog to a professional who deals with these matters and your writing displays anger and certain traits that spells danger. You belong where there is proper treatment for you. BTW. YOUR CONTRIBUTING TO YOUR OWN FILTH TO YOUR SITE! TTFN
…If my vocabulary surpasses your comprehension, then may I recommend a dictionary? (That’s the big book with words and their meanings inside.) …My final impression is that it’s no mystery why your ex opted to upgrade. …Does your “professional who deals in these matters” deal with pathological liars who stalk a blogger, who attempt (unsuccessfully) to pose as another person online, or how about women obsessed with another woman simply because she cares more about the kids than she ever will about you and your petty, asinine and selfish games?
Aaaah, memories. Three years have passed, and I cringe just as hard at the horrific grammar, typing errors, and circuitous thought patterns with which Anonymous blessed me.
What is the point to reposting all of this? My Best Interests post set off 2 significant events: (1) I discovered Statcounter and Clicky to track visitors to my blog so that Anonymous was never truly anonymous. (By the way, Anonymous and an individual from Gary’s ex’s city of residence were always on my blog at the same time); and (2) I started a new blog, The Smirking Cat, with the premise that I will not accept censorship of the truth.
I republished these comments not simply to chortle at Anonymous & Company’s attempt to slander me when their collective vocabulary and intellectual sharpness limped along and made me feel embarrassed for them. Their comments grossly display the irrational hostility, unjustified holier-than-thou attitude, and emotional immaturity so many are familiar with from interactions with a malicious parent.
When I originally posted Best Interests, I had very few readers. In fact, Anonymous & Company’s first comment surprised me, since I was certain I had no readers. I am curious, then, now that I have readers dealing with a malicious parent, regular readers who live day to day interfacing with individuals with the same narrow-minded, self-serving, and vacuous viewpoint as Anonymous & Company…how did reading this make you feel? What impressions are you left with? If you could comment today on either the post or the string of comments, what comes to mind?
I know what comes to my mind, three years later: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And the kids continue paying the heavy price.