Hiding Eggs and Narrowly Missing Time-Out

Yesterday Gary and I volunteered to help Sunflower’s teacher with an Easter egg hunt and class party that was apparently top-secret with access limited to only high-ranking government officials…at least that is the only valid reason I can imagine that Crow (see Cast of Characters) would have chosen to tell Gary nothing about it until he had already heard about it from Sunflower’s teacher.  But I digress!  Crow’s woeful lack of parenting skills, after countless instances, is certainly not newsworthy.

Sunflower literally dropped her schoolwork and ran over to Gary when we walked into her classroom, and a little boy bellowed, “Wow!  That sure is a tall daddy!”

I expected a large group of parents to be there to volunteer, so I was surprised when the herd of volunteers turned out to be Gary and me. (I couldn’t help wondering why the only parents who showed up to help were two people who had to travel over an hour to get there and who needed an act of Congress to find out even the most vague details of the party.)  We split up the eggs and got to work, hiding them while the kids were in the cafeteria eating lunch.

There is a natural phenomenon that occurs when Gary is in the proximity of small children, namely, that children cluster around him, act up to get his attention, and Gary in turn acts up to make them laugh, creating a cycle that, if not stopped by an outside force, will result in the children and Gary getting into trouble.  Yesterday was no exception.  Gary had the kids laughing while he sat with Sunflower, while we served cupcakes and other snacks for their party, while the kids were hunting for eggs, and even while the class was supposed to be sitting quietly, watching a movie.

At one point, Sunflower’s teacher had to shoot Gary a warning evil eye.  When that didn’t do the trick, she held up one hand and started counting.  “One…”

Gary made that “But…wha…?  I am innocent!” look that we typically see on the faces of trouble-making little kids, and he protested, “But she made me!”, pointing to Sunflower.


I laughed and told Sunflower’s teacher, “You may as well go ahead and put him in a corner.”

When a few kids couldn’t find all of their eggs, Gary instantly blamed me and said I hid them in cupboards or on shelves above the kids’ heads.  Just because I have a history of hiding Easter eggs in impossible-to-find places doesn’t automatically mean the MIA eggs were ones I had hidden!  I got up and peeked in all the spots I had stashed them, and eventually the wayward eggs were rounded up.

When the party was over, Sunflower held onto her daddy’s arm and didn’t want him to leave, so we sat down for a little while longer.  When we left the classroom, Sunflower’s teacher told us to come back any time…though she will probably want to stock up on passes to the principal’s office for Gary’s return trips.

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in class party, Easter, parental alienation, poor mothering skills. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Hiding Eggs and Narrowly Missing Time-Out

  1. Amy says:

    So glad y'all were able to be there to spend that time with Gary's daughter. Shame on the demon lady for not letting you know about the Easter party sooner! She's just so jealous of the love that you and Gary share and the love that Gary's kids have for him. Maybe if she spent more time acting like a parent and less time acting like a spiteful, jealous child – her kids might like to be around her too

  2. mames says:

    Sounds like a very fun time! Too funny that Gary acted out and almost was sent to time out..lol

  3. I feel it is important that everyone knows that I was only getting into trouble for doing what The Smirking Cat and Sunflower told me to do. Once they seen I was going to get into trouble they turned on may and started to tattle.

  4. Hmmmm, maybe we should ask Sunflower's teacher exactly how it went down! I believe she will recall having to count more than once for the tallest troublemaker in the classroom.

  5. lamadrastra says:

    Dad of the Year. =)

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