Truth Hurts…the Kids

Long ago, Gary adopted a hands-off, low-contact approach with Crow.  Her attention-seeking, drama-loving nonsense needed to be chopped off at the roots, and responding to only what truly warranted a response let us focus on us, on the kids, our family, and far less on her histrionics, temper tantrums, insults, and silly games.

The less Gary has allowed himself to be tugged into Crow’s drama, however, the more desperately she fights for his attention.  She reminds me of an overindulged toddler hurling herself onto the floor because no one is looking at her.  Even if she succeeds in only calling attention to her childishness and pettiness, at least she has still garnered attention, and that appears to be the important part to her.

The less attention Crow gets, the more her stalking behavior kicks into overdrive.  I have noticed it escalating the last few weeks, and finally, last night, she exploded.

Crow set up the computer to my blog and sat Wolverine down in front of it.  There was no link to my blog from another site, no search for my blog, but rather a direct path right to my blog’s home page, as clearly evidenced by my web analytics program.  Wolverine did not simply stumble across it; he was forcibly steered to it.  After half an hour of guiding him through the archives of my blog, Crow then had Wolverine call Gary to tell him he doesn’t like what I wrote.

Crow has kept many blogs over the years, and all of them were full of whimsical, fantastical tales about me and Gary.  I have never, and never would, plop one of the kids in front of the computer and command them to read the gibberish their mother tapped out in a spiteful binge of her ongoing hate. Why would I?  What would it accomplish?  What benefit would the kids derive from that?

These are questions Crow did not bother to ask herself, and that doesn’t surprise me.

Then again, the kids wouldn’t be at all startled by any of the blogs crafted by their mother.  They would just repeat all the filth she spills into their ears on a daily basis.  The kids are fed a steady diet of their mother’s animosity, jealousy, and self-fed rage about their father and me.  Seeing it repeated in print on a computer screen would only be redundant and boring.

The kids have never heard me put their mother down, however.  They are not forced to listen to my personal feelings about her, because it is not their responsibility to hear it.  Therefore, I imagine it really is far more shocking for the kids to read my words versus hers.  They have had lies shoved so far down their throats, they are too busy choking to question anything.  The plain truth, stripped bare, is raw and painful for them.

Setting up the kids to complain about my blog is another attempt by Crow to push her alienation attempts and to pitifully beg Gary and me to pay attention to her.  She hasn’t been able to whine in court lately, or compose nasty emails, or file lies with her lawyer.  So she had to grab one of the kids to serve as her lightning rod and stir up unnecessary drama.

And if Wolverine is hurt, confused, and manipulated in the process…?  Crow didn’t concern herself with that, either.

There is not one word on my blog that is not true. I write about what happens, and if I’m not happy about what Crow does to the kids, how she hurts them and uses them, that is my right.  No one who loves the kids would not be angry about it.

I am deeply sorry that what I write is, indeed, true.  I wish I made this stuff up.  I wish the kids weren’t hurt like they are.  I am sorry that what I write is merely the tip of the iceburg and barely scratches the surface of what Crow considers acceptable to do to the kids.  I am sorry that years of hurting the kids have not been stopped by a judge, the family law system, a police officer, or by Crow herself.  I am sorry the kids have cracked and nearly broken beneath the burden of her manipulation, spitefulness, desire for revenge, and refusal to think of them above herself.

But I am not sorry that I have recorded the truth, or my feelings about what has happened and continues to happen.  I do not subscribe to the notion that if I just stop writing, the kids will be all right.  No, they won’t.  Not until the abuse and the hurt stop, and the only person who can stop that is the person inflicting it.

Not being angry about the way the children are used, manipulated, bent and broken, is something I would be incredibly ashamed of.  Being truthful, honest, and forthright, by contrast, is something of which I will never be ashamed.

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in child abuse, drama, emotional immaturity, low contact, parental alienation, poor mothering skills. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Truth Hurts…the Kids

  1. Ally says:

    this blog is so anonymous, how on earth did she find it, and once found, how did she know it was about her?

  2. Smirking Cat says:

    Hi, Ally. Yes, my blog is anonymous. But Ala is so obsessed with me, she has searched me online and stalked me online and in person for over five years now. I actually created Smirking Cat because she and her family stalked another blog I had and left immature, childish comments all over it. Classy family, eh?

    Ala has read Smirking Cat since I started it in 2007. Actually, it would be more accurate to say she devours it and binges on it, she is on it so much.

  3. sad sad sad sad… oh yea! and deeply disturbing too…
    i'm sorry you have to deal with this and i am so sorry that those poor kids have to deal with this.. it sickens me also, cause she doesn't REALIZE the long term issues she could be causing because of her jealousy and selfishness…

  4. cassee01 says:

    typical – I'll show it to them and then claim it hurts them – um who showed it to them? so who really hurt them????

  5. Smirking Cat says:

    Randi, I don't believe that Ala doesn't realize the pain she is inflicting on the children. I believe she simply doesn't care. It is a means to an ends, to make herself happy, and that is all she truly worries about.

    Cassee, I agree. I have never logged into my blog or even had it up when the kids are here, so I am 100% certain the only possible way they know about it is from their mother. Her attitude will be “Look, kids, look what she said about me!” *sniffle, sob* Never mind every word of it is true and the kids don't need to be told about it: they live it, every day. Ah, but Ala is always the victim! I keep forgetting her cardinal rule.

    If the children were not abused by her, there would be nothing to write about except happy things. That is a choice she makes, each day. To blame me for calling her out on it is nothing short of asinine.

  6. Amy says:

    This could seriously back fire on her. It will show the kids the other side of the story- point out her lies and show them how hurt your are by all her childishness. They already have to know that Ala is stone cold nuts! She's going to push and push till they're old enough to say “I want out”! And in every state, there is that magical age where the kids can tell the court system that they want to live with one parent or another. Maybe the men in the little white coats will come and lock her crazy tail up before then….

    Yeah- wishful thinking….

  7. Sierra says:

    Oh yeah, I so understand where you are at, at the moment! Been there 😦 Currently have an anon blog that she doesn't know about, but am sure that's only a matter of time 😦 Don't know how she does it!

  8. Sierra, if her life revolves around you the way Ala's life revolves around me, then you are right, it is only a matter of time before she finds any blog of yours. I truly don't believe that is something for you to worry about, thoughl I think that speaks far more to the lack of life and serious psychological disturbances of anyone willing to devote that much time to hunting someone down online.

    It leaves me wondering who is watching the kids while she gets off on a blog….

  9. I've always been very impressed by the way you seem to keep yourself in check even when posting about highly emotional issues. If showing Wolverine this blog is the worst Ala can do, then all she's done is show her kids that you are a smart, sweet and highly controlled person. Has she seen the average blog? I'm not sure what she was hoping to achieve with this.

  10. Smirking Cat says:

    Thank you, Never Mom. I can honestly say I'm not ashamed of anything I've ever written here, even if the kids read it, because it is the truth. If Ala's grand plan is that I'm going to scramble to take my blog…then she was entirely mistaken.

  11. Anonymous says:

    I wish Amy were right and that seeing your description of the same events from the other (accurate) side would open their eyes to the truth and backfire on their mom. I really do.

    So far, whenever we point out to my SD (16 and totally brainwashed by her histrionic, emotionally reactive mother) that there are facts
    other than the “facts” her mother tells her it has backfired on us!
    My SD (otherwise a bright chick) is simply not capable of absorbing alternate perspectives of things her mom has done to her. One example:
    her first day of high school she was with us and Dad picked her up and started the after school snack and homework routine with her. The afternoon was interrupted by a call from mom who screamed for 45 minutes (I have the phone records and Dad heard the screaming) about why school already had been out for an hour and SD had not called her to report. Among the gems: “I've waited years for your first day of high school and you didn't even call me to tell me about it.” SD spent the rest of the evening crying with Dad (I stayed out of it) and complaining that mom made her feel bad and cry.

    A year later, she didn't recall crying on the first day of school.
    When reminded of it, she calmly explained that it was because it was a new big school and it overwhelmed her. She literally does not remember what her mom did to her. As we started to remind her, it became obvious that this would only make her hate us for raising it.

    How do you deal with this? Practically, I would love any advice.

  12. Anonymous, I have come to accept that it will ultimately be up to the kids to decide if they are going to do the right thing and tell the truth, or if they are going to allow their mother and grandparents to influence them to rely on lying, manipulation, and using others to get through life. It is not a decision I can make for them.

    I do believe that not wanting to remember is different from not remembering. Admitting that one of your parents is not emotionally healthy is difficult. It is something they need to do to rise above it, though, and that is ultimately up to them.

  13. This post hit home for me. I hope that my husband's daughter's mother (MD) never does such a thing and I most definitely would not do that to his daughter (BW).

    Your account of the Ala's need for attention is similar to what I've experienced in the past with MD. Things have actually improved greatly between us since she seems to have found my blog and subsequently hidden hers into a private view.

    I feel for Wolverine. It is never good when the child is put in the middle of things and not given the chance to develop his/her own thoughts and feelings by way of experiencing only differing actions of the parties involved.

    I have to believe that the kids will one day come to realize the healthy things you did and the not-so-healthy behavior of Ala.

  14. Stephanie says:

    Gah. This kind of manipulation of the kids makes me crazy. Mister-M's situation was remarkably similar and I was appalled at how he was vilified in the press when their Egg Donor was the one who showed the kids his blog in the first place. Selfish. Ridiculous.

    I'm so sorry it's still going on. At this level. You'd think they'd grow weary of it at some point and want to get a life… of their own.

  15. clickclickshutterbug says:

    I hate when ex's use kids that way. the other day my stepson told his dad about how him and her mom and stepdad sat around the computer just “randomly” googling their names (I have a flickr account and upload photos of the kids there–and she knows about it)…just hoping to “accidentally” run into something and trying to make me look bad…

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