Glad She Hates Me

It’s not newsworthy to me, to my readers, and especially to the kids that the children’s mother claims to not be terribly fond of me.

What she is willing to admit to as the reasons for her distaste, however, are a far cry from reality.  Before ever meeting me, Crow bad-mouthed me to the kids.  The kids were fed a guilt-laden sob story laced with lies about a woman Crow knew nothing about (except, of course, what she gleaned from searching my name online in a jealous tirade).

Crow denied repeatedly that she wants to be back with Gary.  After the millionth denial, well, it is a bit much to be true.  Why continually deny something that no one asked in the first place?  Whatever ending to the story Crow had in mind when she started her made-for-Lifetime-TV drama of fleeing to her father’s house and taking the kids, preening in her ivory tower and waiting for Gary to beg her to come back…seeing him instead find a genuine partner was not part of the plan.

She wanted to remain center stage in the spotlight, coddled by her enabling father, feeding on Gary’s urgency to repair his family and stop her from hurting the kids.  She wanted to pretend it was her irresistability as a woman and a wife that drove him to try to speak to her in her fortress.  She wanted, essentially, for her daddy to feel sorry for her, to gorge on sympathy and attention, all the while biding her time for Gary to welcome her back once her pockets were lined again with Daddy’s cash.

That story got rewritten.  Her script went out the window when Gary and I met.  All of a sudden, Crow stalled divorce proceedings for years, dragged her feet, and whimpered to the kids how I was the only reason she and their father aren’t back together.  The fact that Gary’s attempts to reconcile the family were met with sending her daddy out to speak for her, and the fact that Crow’s daddy paid for her to file for divorce long before I met Gary were, naturally, left out of those conversations with the kids.  Why clutter things up with the truth?

It is not the only reason that Crow does not like me.  Her penchant for lying is well-known. Her lies make little sense, don’t line up with other lies she has told, and paint herself as the perpetual innocent victim, a perfect saint who is persecuted like Christ.  Her lies are over the top, silly, and much of the time, downright imbecilic.

But Crow has been so coddled that she believes everyone should smile, nod their heads, and buy her lies with no questions asked.  Patting her on the head, bailing her out, and refusing to believe there is a serious problem with her has become a lifelong pattern for which the kids are paying now.  The children are learning quickly that staying in their mother’s good graces requires adherence to her self-serving rules, and that she is not above withdrawing affection and attention to force them into compliance.

A liar is a liar.  Abuse is abuse.  I won’t pretend either is anything but what it truly is.   My refusal to turn a blind eye to her bullying of the children is a thorn in her side. She has bellyached about me to lawyers, judges, her parents, to Gary, and to the children…all because the truth is out there without the shroud of her lies.

Life would be easier all around if the kids’ mother and I got along even on a cordial, formal acquaintance basis.  However, that is not possible so long as Crow continues to use the kids as her own battering rams and chopping blocks, expecting everyone to sing her praises as she sacrifices the kids for her own pleasure.  I can’t even pretend to respect someone like that.

Ultimately, the primary reasons Crow does not like me are that (1) I allowed Gary to find love when all she wanted from him was to feed her ego by begging her to come back; (2) I do not blindly accept her lies; and (3) I represent many of the thing she will never be, not the least of which is honest.

When it is put that way, I can’t help but be glad…and proud…that she hates me.  So long as being in Crow’s good graces requires kowtowing to her overfed ego and joyfully stomping on the kids alongside her, I will forever remain, quite contentedly, on the right side of the fence.

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in child abuse, cowards, denial, enabling parents, liars, poor mothering skills, psychiatric disorders. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Glad She Hates Me

  1. Amy says:

    What's the saying? “Me thinks she doth protest too much”?

    People like 'Ala' seriously make me sick to my tummy. That's one of those cases when you can't wait for the kids to get old enough to move out and move in with you

  2. Anonymous says:

    Do you ever read advice about stepmom/biomom relations (“be direct” or “treat her as you would like to be treated”) and wish that the advice applied to your situation but know that it doesn't because you're dealing with mental illness? This happens to me frequently and it is upsetting to realize that our situation is not caused by bad feelings or miscommunication that can be resolved. Our situation is bad because one of us has cognitive deficiencies that are never going away. Depressing.

  3. Smirking Cat says:

    All of the advice I have ever read for step/bio mom relations assumes that both parties are sane and rational. That does not apply to people like Ala. You may as well offer advice for etiquette while dining with Charles Manson.

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