Anyone with functioning retinas has already made the obvious observation that Crocs are the ugliest, dorkiest, and most unattractive foot gear to come along since Ugg boots, which closely resemble cow’s feet but with more hair, yet for some reason have been deemed fashionable by the tell-me-what-to-wear lemmings. When stores pop up devoted to merchandise proclaiming one’s hatred for a particular product, like this I Hate Crocs shop, it is a pretty solid indication that said item is more than a little offensive to good taste.
Just in case your sweaty, smelly, fungus-riddled Crocs are not quite the birth control you had hoped for, though, never fear! Vibram has brought to us a shoe so hideous, so repulsive, that sliding these on should guarantee no sexual encounters for the life of the lust-squashing shoes:
They are super-comfortable, advocates claim. Nothing like them. Slide into their segmented hideousness, and you will have a workout like you have never experienced before.
Know what that reminds me of? Croc dorks slapping around, grinning like fools, exclaiming brightly about how comfortable their rubber shoes are, trying desperately to justify wearing sweat-producing, bacteria-laden clogs, sloshing in their own foot perspiration. Comfy? Keep ’em. I’ll take my shoes without built-in Athlete’s foot culture growth.
It is a toss-up to me: the Vibram shoes are ugly as hell and an instant turn-off. Crocs are disgusting, ugly, and stinky. I am having trouble declaring a clear winner: which is the ugliest shoe? You decide!