Uglier than Crocs?

Anyone with functioning retinas has already made the obvious observation that Crocs are the ugliest, dorkiest, and most unattractive foot gear to come along since Ugg boots, which closely resemble cow’s feet but with more hair, yet for some reason have been deemed fashionable by the tell-me-what-to-wear lemmings.  When stores pop up devoted to merchandise proclaiming one’s hatred for a particular product, like this I Hate Crocs shop, it is a pretty solid indication that said item is more than a little offensive to good taste.

Just in case your sweaty, smelly, fungus-riddled Crocs are not quite the birth control you had hoped for, though, never fear!  Vibram has brought to us a shoe so hideous, so repulsive, that sliding these on should guarantee no sexual encounters for the life of the lust-squashing shoes:

They are super-comfortable, advocates claim.  Nothing like them.  Slide into their segmented hideousness, and you will have a workout like you have never experienced before.

Know what that reminds me of?  Croc dorks slapping around, grinning like fools, exclaiming brightly about how comfortable their rubber shoes are, trying desperately to justify wearing sweat-producing, bacteria-laden clogs, sloshing in their own foot perspiration.  Comfy?  Keep ’em.  I’ll take my shoes without built-in Athlete’s foot culture growth.

It is a toss-up to me: the Vibram shoes are ugly as hell and an instant turn-off.  Crocs are disgusting, ugly, and stinky.  I am having trouble declaring a clear winner: which is the ugliest shoe?  You decide!

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About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in Crocs, I hate Crocs, I hate Vibram shoes, ugly shoes, what to wear when you never want to be sexy again. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Uglier than Crocs?

  1. Amy says:

    Those new ones freak me out! They are ugly ugly.

    My boys and my grandbaby love their crocs. I think it's the convenience. The baby is loves anything that he can put on himself. 🙂

  2. The new ones are ugly… but have you ever worn crocs? I love them… they are ridiculously comfortable and easy to clean when I wear them around the house or while gardening…. plus my dog can't chew them up. I have severe back pain, and wearing them vs. wearing certain other shoes makes a big difference in how long I last sometimes. And I don't care what they look like as long as they are comfortable.

  3. Smirking Cat says:

    No, I can proudly say I have never allowed one Croc to come anywhere near my feet. And never will.

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