You may have noticed that my blog posts are getting farther and farther apart. I’ve joked before that my blog is a whatever-I-feel-like-today blog, with no specific focus or purpose. I like it that way. Some people follow my blog because of my posts written as a stepmom, some read it because they relate to the psycho-ex factor, some like my even rarer hockey posts (sorry, when my team sucks, I don’t have much to go on), and others stumble across random posts from image searches. It’s like a quilt made with no pattern, much like my mind!
I find myself drifting away from the stepmom/crazy bio-mom posts, because as time goes on, I have mentally and emotionally distanced myself from that drama and insanity. That is not to say I have distanced myself from Gary or the kids, simply that unless a complete frontal lobotomy or mercy killing is performed, the kids’ selfish and belligerent womb-for-rent is always going to be the way she has been for years. Is there anything newsworthy about her most recent jealous rant, her latest child-abuse-of-the-day, or her ongoing utter lack of competence? Nope. I have come to expect it.
The kids are also much older now, obviously, than when I started this blog in 2007. I have shifted much responsibility for their behavior and actions directly to them and no longer consider them too young to know what is going on, too naive to understand the lying and manipulation from their egg donor and grandparents. What they choose to do with recognition of their abuse is going to be up to them: deny it, fight it, or rise above it. We can only encourage them to do what is best. The rest is up to them.
My priority is my family and my relationship with Gary. That is where I derive joy and where I choose to focus. I have had an in-depth lesson in what happens when you permit your life to revolve around someone who no longer cares about you, and it is pathetic at best. If Crow has served any purpose, it has been as a warning to remain true to myself and to my life, because the consequence of choosing otherwise could be to end up like her.
I have changed since starting this blog, and sometimes I end up uncertain what to write. I have viewed it as my stepmom blog for so long, and while I factor that in as an important role, I have always been and will always be more diverse than that.
I will still write about the kids, as they make me laugh, make me smile, and open my eyes to viewing the world a different way. I am sure I will still occasionally write about the insanity of dealing with a child-abusing egg donor, because it affects the kids and watching them hurt is painful. I just don’t find the catharsis or relief in writing about it as I used to, possibly because it merely feels redundant.
The Smirking Cat is not going away…just simply going through some healthy changes.