That is NOT how we like ours around here.
Even traditional activities take on our own unique flavor in our family. Yesterday, during the ceremonial Easter egg coloring, we decided to be experimental and dumped random color tabs, vegetable oil, glitter, and other additives to the color cups. One temporarily turned a gorgeous, mermaid-tail-teal-green until we cheerily tossed more random items into it. Then two of the color cups began to fizz, sputter, and boil ominously, as we laughed nervously but felt compelled to add even more to the mix. The eggs dipped into the two volatile color cups were officially declared armed and dangerous, and no one wanted to eat those eggs. But it was still fun.
We had a fun Easter weekend, and the kids’ under-achieving school district gave them April Fool’s Day off of school for no discernible reason, so they are still home with us today.
I had to work, and when I went home for lunch, one of them asked me matter-of-factly, “Why don’t you just stay home?”
Crow has given the kids a warped concept of what a job and work entails. Because of Crow’s past fake suicide attempt, multiple arrests, and other Mommy-of-the-Year moments, she has a job in name only. When she shows up, she is expected to do very little, has no responsibility, and has no importance to anyone. So when she decides to skip work because she sneezed, or spends her day reading my blog from the phone her daddy pays for, well…no one cares, because she doesn’t matter anyway.
But I do matter. Much of what I do at work, I am the only one who knows how to do it, and it matters a lot when I am not at work. I told the kids I am still working on a project that is pretty important, that I need to be back at work this afternoon. I don’t think they understood, but how could they, given the deplorable example their womb-for-rent has presented to them?