I nearly choked on my tea when I saw this little cartoon, because I sincerely believed that only Crow was desperate and pathetic enough to stalk someone using her own child’s facebook page. There are others who do this? Who ties their shoes for them every morning?
When Wolverine turned 13 a few years ago, Crow set up his facebook page (leaving everything, including his full name, location, and photos wide-ass open and public in her haste, I might add) and quickly sent friend requests to Gary and to me, then heavily salivated as she quivered in anticipation of finally, finally devouring our facebook pages.
It’s not like we didn’t already know she would do this. Crazy is not altogether unpredictable. I reset most of my posts and pictures so they were not viewable to anyone logged into Wolverine’s account, though I am sure she was too frenzied and orgasmic to notice.
One afternoon, during a school day, I saw that Wolverine had liked a photo on Gary’s facebook page. This was curious, as Wolverine was in school and not online. I pointed it out to Gary. We already knew what had happened, but soon it was confirmed: Crow had logged in as Wolverine, humped Gary’s and my facebook pages, and for some asinine, dim-witted, and fabulously stupid reason, clicked “like” on one of Gary’s pictures. When a rare moment of clarity fell upon her, she apparently whipped up a cock-and-bull story that Wolverine was ordered to repeat to us about how it happened, leaving out her creepy stalker tendencies, of course, but I honestly can’t even remember what the absurd story was. I was too busy laughing at her being such a goddamn idiot.
I laughed, yes, but it is also sad. It never occurred to me to hack Wolverine’s account just to hunt down and sniff out anyone. It is even sadder that Wolverine had to be made aware of his womb-for-rent’s bizarre behavior and was then roped into telling a lie he knew was silly, to cover something he didn’t do and for which he had no responsibility. What is like to grow up with a mother who you know, deep in your heart, is off her rocker?
I ended up taking Wolverine out of the crazy scene by un-friending him altogether. It’s not like I don’t share pictures with him in real life, so what does it matter if we are joined at the hip on facebook? I didn’t want him to feel responsible for his mother’s juvenile and disturbing behavior. Crow would never stop being crazy, so I just removed him from the situation.
Thirteen must be the lucky number, because Bear turned 13 recently, and this past weekend, while he was with us for the weekend, guess who mysteriously had a facebook account fully set up without his knowledge or consent, complete with personal photos, bio details, and friend requests already sent? And, you guessed it, friend requests were already quickly and hungrily sent to Gary and to me.
I wonder which of our photos Crow will like first?