You know those people who swoon over sun, live for the summer, can’t get enough of sand and heat, and get high on a mere whiff of coconut-scented sunscreen? Well, I’m not one of them.
I have never cared for the summer. Hot, sweaty, humid, sticky…what the hell is there to like? I remember trying futilely as a kid to fall asleep when the temperatures soared, no air conditioning (my parents were obviously sadistic trolls for that), some useless oscillating fan doing nothing but blowing hot air around the room. Know what else I remember? Solemnly and quite seriously vowing to never, ever live without air conditioning.
I love the fall. I love the first hint of coolness in the air, leaves bursting into color, sweatshirt weather, football, hockey (of course), sipping hot tea, snuggling under a blanket on the couch with Gary, wrapping up cozily in the covers.
There are a few things about fall that I don’t like, though. For starters, these fellows:
Ugh, where to even begin? These fake scarecrow people appear to be required yard decor starting roughly in September, and I think they are the ugliest, tackiest trash. I get they are supposed to be fall-ish, farm-ish, cute-ish. They fail miserably on all counts. I picture rooster decor in this person’s kitchen, and text decals like “Live Love Laugh” on the living room wall. *shudder*
Inevitably, the ugly fake scarecrow people are paired with something else I don’t like about fall:
Fake mini straw bales! Because what is more festive than essentially grass clippings compressed into manufactured rectangles? Make sure you sprawl a few fake scarecrow people across them, though. It’s a federal law or something.
If you want to take the cake on annoying fall decor, though, rush out and snag yourself a “happy fall, y’all” sign!
Extra points for multiple, clashing fonts and tacky backgrounds like chevron stripes that make the damn thing hard to read, and if you really want to go for broke, make sure your sign has burlap on it somewhere.
There you go, pretty much the only things I don’t like about fall! Summer, you have overstayed your welcome, as far as I’m concerned. I will be glad to see you go, even if it means the scarecrows and straw bales are on their way.