I Hate Cold Shoulder Tops

I have never followed fashion trends.  When I was a kid, I leaned toward Wonder Woman t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers, and here we are, over 40 years later, and absolutely nothing has changed!  I am a consistent wily rascal.

Sometimes, however, it is impossible to not notice fashion trends, like it or not, because lemming-like zombie women snatch them up and cling to them like life preservers in a vise-like death grip.  The most recent one rubbing me the wrong way and giving me an uncontrollable twitch when I see it?

The goddamn, blasted, stupid-ass “cold shoulder tops.”  Who came up with that idiotic name for them, anyway?  I am sure you know what I am talking about, but just in case you are fortunate enough to have never witnessed this atrocity, here are some examples:

Different colors, different materials, different patterns, but what do they all have in common?  That’s right, boys and girls: the woman wearing it looks like a total, mindless ass.

Most (hell, all) fashion trends for women are stupid as hell.  But sometimes, something will bubble to the top, like a fashion fart, as especially imbecilic, like sky-high heels, blue lipstick, and then these ridiculous excuses for shirts.

I flat-out, completely, 100% don’t get it at all.  Not one bit.  These tops look like someone’s errant toddler was left unsupervised with a pair of scissors and snipped random gashes in the sleeves.  The shirts look like mistakes.  I want to grab them and repair them.  They lend an awkward, unflattering shape to the body, and look sloppy, silly, and just scream “I am a mindless fashion whore!  Tell me what to think…and especially what to wear!”

I hate shopping for clothes, and I blame all of the senseless, asinine women who scoop up doltish fashion trends like this.  Am I really the only female who prefers my damn sleeves intact?  Seriously.  And while we’re at it, I like shorts that actually cover my ass and pants that have real, functional pockets, too.  And shoes without 6-inch suicide heels that I can actually walk in, move in, live in, work in. You know, like what men get to enjoy every single day.

If you just can’t live without preposterous, useless, and ugly holes in your sleeves, then go ahead.  Look as silly as you like.  What I resent is that women like me, who don’t kowtow to witless fashion trends, are left with little to no options.  Hey, jackass fashion designers, here’s a startling heads-up for you: some of us ladies like things simple, classic, functional, comfortable.  Yeah, I realize that appears to be damn few of us, but we’re still here, and unless we run around stark naked, we kinda need clothes, too.

May I suggest more Wonder Woman t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers?  Oh, and leave the damn sleeves alone!

About TheSmirkingCat

I am endlessly trying to make sense of a world that has completely and unapologetically lost its mind.
This entry was posted in clothes, fashion slaves, grrrrrr, things I hate. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to I Hate Cold Shoulder Tops

  1. bellaball says:

    I don’t like those shirts either. I will wear a dressy tank top.

  2. I have one – and I love it!! I feel awesome in it! I have to be careful though, because some of them have too much of a gap and the bra strap will show, and I loathe bra straps showing! But, I don’t wear tank tops or sleeveless shirts because my upper arms have issues, so I like the compromise that they offer!

    Now, I’m totally with you, it shouldn’t be that hard to get a nice looking t-shirt! I scored at Kohl’s the other day, nice, functional, comfortable, easy to wear shirts – I got 3 that will go with jeans or khakis, depending on what I have to be dressed for!

    • I can see your point about not liking tank tops, and these shirts being a compromise. What I really can’t stand is that once something is popular, there are no other options, like the notion that a woman actually does not like a particular trend and will not wear it doesn’t occur to designers or store owners. We are all going to have our own opinions and tastes, as we should, and it would be nice if the selection offered reflected that!

  3. Justin Cooper says:

    I am a man and I agree with you 1000%. These things should be banned from society. They are the most godawful thing imagined.

  4. Jill LeBlanc says:

    Hilarious article and I soooooo agree about the stupid tops!!!

  5. Susan says:

    This sounds like an opinion of someone who’s “nOt LikE oThEr gIrLs”
    I don’t like cold shoulder tops either but can you not be so hateful towards those who wear it? “I like shorts that actually cover my ass” okay? Why slam the women that want to wear shorts of other kind?
    And calling them a fashion whore?? Are you out of your mind??

    • If you don’t like my opinion on cold shoulder tops, then you would be decimated by my opinion on whiny, sniveling wimps who are reduced to poorly punctuated, over-emotional comments by a post about shirts.

  6. Sharon says:

    Hell Yeah I’m TOTES with you on this on!! I HATE those tops with a DAMN PASSION!!! HATE!!! Usually worn by middle aged Karens with FAR too much makeup/short, multi streaked bobs and knee length knickerbocker pants uuuuggh!!! I’m middle aged but would rather take a bullet than wear one of those hideous tops….l’m also with you re: shorts and REAL pockets on pants…

  7. Kelly says:

    Thank you for saying what I’ve wanted to scream at people – but don’t. It’s a stupid trend. I’m just sick of people not being adequately covered in public – 95% of whom are women. From short shorts, to tiny skirts, to pants that nearly expose their crack, to bare bellies, low low cleavage and ripped jeans – ow my eyes!! Can I just go out in public without being grossed out by all this skin? And like you said, it makes it harder to find anything that fits well and doesn’t mean you look like an idiot.

  8. Kelly says:

    PS can you please remove my last name from what I just posted?

    • I just edited your last comment to remove your last name. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      • K says:

        Thanks! Love what you write.

        On Thu, May 6, 2021 at 3:15 PM The Smirking Cat! wrote:

        > TheSmirkingCat commented: “I just edited your last comment to remove your > last name. Thanks for reading and commenting! ” >

        • Stephanie says:

          I HATE those @#$&$#@ shirts with the sawed off shoulders too! I read this a year ago and looked it up, specifically for a question on ugly fashion items today. Found it easy. 🤯😎🤯😎

  9. L says:

    YASS! I hate these skanky sh*t shirts. Still going strong though. lol, Love your post.

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