I have never followed fashion trends. When I was a kid, I leaned toward Wonder Woman t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers, and here we are, over 40 years later, and absolutely nothing has changed! I am a consistent wily rascal.
Sometimes, however, it is impossible to not notice fashion trends, like it or not, because lemming-like zombie women snatch them up and cling to them like life preservers in a vise-like death grip. The most recent one rubbing me the wrong way and giving me an uncontrollable twitch when I see it?
The goddamn, blasted, stupid-ass “cold shoulder tops.” Who came up with that idiotic name for them, anyway? I am sure you know what I am talking about, but just in case you are fortunate enough to have never witnessed this atrocity, here are some examples:
Different colors, different materials, different patterns, but what do they all have in common? That’s right, boys and girls: the woman wearing it looks like a total, mindless ass.
Most (hell, all) fashion trends for women are stupid as hell. But sometimes, something will bubble to the top, like a fashion fart, as especially imbecilic, like sky-high heels, blue lipstick, and then these ridiculous excuses for shirts.
I flat-out, completely, 100% don’t get it at all. Not one bit. These tops look like someone’s errant toddler was left unsupervised with a pair of scissors and snipped random gashes in the sleeves. The shirts look like mistakes. I want to grab them and repair them. They lend an awkward, unflattering shape to the body, and look sloppy, silly, and just scream “I am a mindless fashion whore! Tell me what to think…and especially what to wear!”
I hate shopping for clothes, and I blame all of the senseless, asinine women who scoop up doltish fashion trends like this. Am I really the only female who prefers my damn sleeves intact? Seriously. And while we’re at it, I like shorts that actually cover my ass and pants that have real, functional pockets, too. And shoes without 6-inch suicide heels that I can actually walk in, move in, live in, work in. You know, like what men get to enjoy every single day.
If you just can’t live without preposterous, useless, and ugly holes in your sleeves, then go ahead. Look as silly as you like. What I resent is that women like me, who don’t kowtow to witless fashion trends, are left with little to no options. Hey, jackass fashion designers, here’s a startling heads-up for you: some of us ladies like things simple, classic, functional, comfortable. Yeah, I realize that appears to be damn few of us, but we’re still here, and unless we run around stark naked, we kinda need clothes, too.
May I suggest more Wonder Woman t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers? Oh, and leave the damn sleeves alone!