I Hate Cold Shoulder Tops

I have never followed fashion trends.  When I was a kid, I leaned toward Wonder Woman t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers, and here we are, over 40 years later, and absolutely nothing has changed!  I am a consistent wily rascal.

Sometimes, however, it is impossible to not notice fashion trends, like it or not, because lemming-like zombie women snatch them up and cling to them like life preservers in a vise-like death grip.  The most recent one rubbing me the wrong way and giving me an uncontrollable twitch when I see it?

The goddamn, blasted, stupid-ass “cold shoulder tops.”  Who came up with that idiotic name for them, anyway?  I am sure you know what I am talking about, but just in case you are fortunate enough to have never witnessed this atrocity, here are some examples:

Different colors, different materials, different patterns, but what do they all have in common?  That’s right, boys and girls: the woman wearing it looks like a total, mindless ass.

Most (hell, all) fashion trends for women are stupid as hell.  But sometimes, something will bubble to the top, like a fashion fart, as especially imbecilic, like sky-high heels, blue lipstick, and then these ridiculous excuses for shirts.

I flat-out, completely, 100% don’t get it at all.  Not one bit.  These tops look like someone’s errant toddler was left unsupervised with a pair of scissors and snipped random gashes in the sleeves.  The shirts look like mistakes.  I want to grab them and repair them.  They lend an awkward, unflattering shape to the body, and look sloppy, silly, and just scream “I am a mindless fashion whore!  Tell me what to think…and especially what to wear!”

I hate shopping for clothes, and I blame all of the senseless, asinine women who scoop up doltish fashion trends like this.  Am I really the only female who prefers my damn sleeves intact?  Seriously.  And while we’re at it, I like shorts that actually cover my ass and pants that have real, functional pockets, too.  And shoes without 6-inch suicide heels that I can actually walk in, move in, live in, work in. You know, like what men get to enjoy every single day.

If you just can’t live without preposterous, useless, and ugly holes in your sleeves, then go ahead.  Look as silly as you like.  What I resent is that women like me, who don’t kowtow to witless fashion trends, are left with little to no options.  Hey, jackass fashion designers, here’s a startling heads-up for you: some of us ladies like things simple, classic, functional, comfortable.  Yeah, I realize that appears to be damn few of us, but we’re still here, and unless we run around stark naked, we kinda need clothes, too.

May I suggest more Wonder Woman t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers?  Oh, and leave the damn sleeves alone!

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Posted in clothes, fashion slaves, grrrrrr, things I hate | 5 Comments

Love Their Mother

While searching for good Father’s Day quotes and images, I repeatedly came across this one:

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It invariably made me roll my eyes with the unquestioned assumption that the children’s mother is actually lovable to start with, and the unspoken but clearly implied attitude that the kids don’t in turn need to see their mother loving their father.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized the quote actually does apply to Gary and his ex-wife and the children.  Despite all the accusations, hateful name-calling, lies, and filth hurled at him and force-fed to the kids, Gary has never responded in-kind.  Despite an arsenal full of truth that he could easily unleash, he never has.  Maybe their situation has deteriorated, through no fault of his, far too much for him to show the kids that he loves their mother; but he is a good father who does not show them any hate for her, and it is horrifying how rare that is after a divorce.   It is, lamentably, not a favor that is returned to him.

If the kids repeat something that is a straight-up lie, Gary will patiently explain to them that it is not true.  But I have yet to hear him, out of the blue, bring up Crow, or put her down, or start ranting to the kids, filling their heads with feculence they absolutely do not need to hear.

We could tell the kids all kinds of things and not even have to lie.  But why?  We are pretty sure the kids are aware of much more than they let on.  We are their escape from that insanity and upheaval.  We keep it that way, for them.

If they want to talk about something, we are there.  But most of the time, they want to laugh, play, smile, be free at our home…while they can, and before it’s time to go back.

The quote really should say, “The best thing a parent can do for his or her children is respect their relationship with the other parent”.  Maybe tack on “…and shut the hell up with your jealous crap, and worry about yourself and your own endless problems and faults before bitching about the other person”, but I suppose that would make an exceptionally long quote that wouldn’t fit onto flowery and artist-y backgrounds.

I am proud of Gary and the way he keeps the kids at the top of his mind, top of his heart, always.  It would be easy to retaliate, fire back after all the shit that has been said about him, but he knows that would do nothing but hurt the kids, so he doesn’t.  The kids’ feelings and well-being are more important to him than a cheap shot at their expense.

It’s that simple. So why is it so rare?

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Posted in alienating parents suck, divorce, Father's Day, fathers, immature people, lies, love, our kids | 1 Comment

My %$@!^&*% Hockey Team

Remember how excited I was when my hockey team actually made the Stanley Cup play-offs?  Remember how thrilled I was when they didn’t get swept in 4 games and hung in there through the first 2 rounds, and how I finally let myself get my hopes up as they moved through round 3?

Yeah, just take a nice, sharp pin and burst that bubble.  Smash it wide open.  Grind it into the ground.  Keeping with tradition, my Lightning served up a heaping platter of heartbreaking disappointment, allowing themselves to not only lose, but get shut out.  TWICE.

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I could (sort of) stand being eliminated from the play-offs if the Lightning had played hard and put their all into it, but it was like they just decided “Eh, this was far enough”, dropped any semblance of making an effort, and just skated aimlessly around like an Ice Capades show instead of playing hockey.

Every year, I get frustrated, angry, fed up, and say I will start rooting for another team, because this one makes me want to tear hair out, and possibly throw it at them in exasperation.  This year is no exception.

Lighting, more than likely I will be back next season, like a sucker, against all reason and logic, with renewed optimism for a good run.  Are you ever going to give that to us fans?  I hope so.  We’ve been waiting a long time.

Posted in hockey, Stanley Cup playoffs, Tampa Bay Lightning, Tampa Bay Lightning suck | 1 Comment

Still In It

Just when I gave up on my Lightning, they resuscitated themselves and miraculously won the past two games.  The series (best of 7, for my non-hockey fans) is now tied at 2-2.

Last night, they may as well as have placed a crown on Andrei Vasilevskiy’s goalie mask, bowed down reverently on the ice, and sang his praises to the highest peak of the arena, because with 38 shots on goal (compared to the Lightning’s 20), the goalie was working overtime to make up for the Lightning’s absolute lack of defense.  It worked last night because Vasilevskiy was on fire.  The problem is going to be when Vasilevskiy is tired or has an off night, which is not unheard of, and suddenly all those shots on goal by the opposing team translate into a heap of unanswered points.

So, they’re still in the fight for now.  Game 5 is tomorrow, and I’m trying not to get too excited, but it’s hard.  Advancing to the Stanley Cup finals would be exciting as hell, but first…let’s take care of game 5!

Posted in hockey, I love hockey, NHL play-offs, Tampa Bay Lightning | Leave a comment

Licking Faces and Round 3

AR-305069713I had my doubts about my Lightning even making the Stanley Cup play-offs when they apparently developed hockey amnesia near the end of the regular season and started playing like they weren’t quite sure what a puck is, or what to do with it.  When they entered round one, I figured I’d be happy they even made the play-offs this year, and anticipated a quick elimination.

Then they defeated the Devils.  I dared to let myself get a little excited, but not too much.  After all, my team is the ultimate inconsistent team.  One great game will be followed by a string of horrible embarrassments, where I end up convinced all the players were kidnapped, and impostors who never played hockey before stole their uniforms for a sick joke.

Round 2 was against the Boston Bruins, a team I don’t care for very much.  They didn’t change my mind during these games, particularly when their designated thug, Brad Marchand (“Marchand” is French for asshole, I think) LICKED a Lightning player’s face.  Yeah, you read that right: the insufferable asshat licked Ryan Callahan…and it was not the first time he made deliberate tongue contact with a hockey player’s face.  No, no, this was the second time the NHL has warned this jackass to keep his tongue in his mouth and stop licking people.  What is this, preschool?  Idiot.

Anyway, the Bruins and their lick-hound were eliminated in game 5, so see ya, morons.  Maybe spend more time practicing hockey instead of licking each other.

I was disappointed to see the Penguins eliminated by the Capitals last night.  My first hockey game ever was a Penguins game, so even though the Lightning are my #1, no matter how much they frustrate me, the Penguins will always be my first, and hold a permanent soft spot in my heart for that.

Onto round 3, against the Capitals.  I’m not sure what to expect.  I’m trying not to get too excited.  I’d love to see my Lightning bring home the Stanley Cup, after 14 long years…and, hopefully, without licking anyone along the way!

Posted in Brad Marchand is a jackass, hockey, I love hockey, NHL, NHL playoffs, Tampa Bay Lightning | 1 Comment

Which Team?

cutLast year, the Tampa Bay Lightning didn’t even make it to the Stanley Cup finals, so I guess we should be grateful that they not only made it this year, but they have survived the first round and eliminated the New Jersey Devils.  The first game of round two was a mortifying 6-2 loss to the Boston Bruins, with the Lightning hobbling about ineffectively on their skates like newborn kittens just learning to walk, uncertain, weak, feeble.

Game 2 was an improvement, largely because we won, but I’m still not exactly filled with confidence.  My team has been inconsistent for years, and nothing has changed there.  Everything depends which team decides to show up: the team that has already given up, or the team ready to take back the Stanley Cup.

Posted in hockey, I love hockey, NHL playoffs, Tampa Bay Lightning | Leave a comment

Did This Really Happen?

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Let’s just pretend this didn’t happen, shall we?

For those who do not follow hockey (how do you live?), allow me to explain.  My Lightning are the #2 team in the league right now, after being #1 for most of the season.  The Arizona Coyotes have been the dead-last, worst, no-hope, bottom-feeding team this entire season.

It should have been an easy win.  Hell, the arena custodians, Zamoboni drivers, and concession stand workers could have played for the Lightning, and they still should have won.  Maybe they should have that route, after all, because the Lightning players who took the ice had no idea what they were doing and had no business even dressing out for this game.

The Tampa Bay Times described this game as a “nightmare”.  Back-up goalie Louis Domingue said, “…we’ve been struggling the last couple of weeks, but I’m not worried about anything.”

He should be worried.  The Lightning are the kings of inconsistency, of developing sudden amnesia as to the ways of all things hockey.  Once they start down this spiral, it’s pretty damn hard to get them out.

Stanley Cup playoffs kick off in just a few weeks.  This isn’t the time to start sucking like no hockey team has ever sucked before.  At this point, I don’t predict the Lightning making it out of the first round.  I hope they prove me wrong.

Posted in frustration, hockey, I love hockey, NHL play-offs, Tampa Bay Lightning | Leave a comment