One saying that I always repeat to the kids is, “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.” They are surrounded by two-faced hypocrites and liars, and I don’t believe they protect themselves or each other very well from it. Even when they get pounded over the head by someone’s lies and deceit and hatefulness, they don’t seem to want to fully open their eyes to the fact that someone they trust and love is little more than a vile pestilence.
When one of these liars turns out to be their own mother, it is especially difficult for them. You would think, though, as many times as she has shown her ugly true colors, they would have grown quite used to it.
Several years ago, Crow proved how spiteful and pathetic she is (as if we didn’t already know) by refusing to include Wolverine in parenting time with Gary, even forcing Wolverine to call Gary and threaten him, something he never would have done without being goaded by his jealous and emotionally retarded egg donor. Crow also pushed Wolverine to do childish things like unfriend us on Facebook, then block us when it didn’t get a reaction from us. When Wolverine saw us at events, she would hover over him like a heavy-handed bouncer, glowering at him if he made even a hint of a move toward us.
It doesn’t even have to be that extreme. The kids get dirty looks if they want to sit with us at football games. They get the cold shoulder after talking to us at events. And heaven help them if they say something nice about us to anyone at their other home; these self-proclaimed Christians will practically slice out the kids’ tongues for it.
Fast forward a few years. Gary and Wolverine gradually started speaking to each other and spending time together again, and he moved in with us earlier this year.
Well, now that the tables have turned, it was our chance for sweet revenge, right? Make Wolverine block his bitchy mother on Facebook, get pissed at him if he mentions her, refuse to let him talk to her or her nut-job daddy!
No. Gary and I have done none of that. Why? Because we aren’t out-of-control crazy and selfish assholes, that’s why. Because the kids matter to us, not fabricated grudges fueled by raging jealousy. Because we focus on what is best for the kids, not our egos. Because our lives do not revolve around silly drama and game-playing. Because we don’t use the kids, don’t manipulate them, and we actually respect them as human beings.
Ultimately, because we are real parents.
Crow never will be. She has demonstrated that, over and over, and has left no doubt that her parenting capabilities ended soon after the first contraction. The kids were spit out of her filthy body as nothing but pawns for her narcissistic use, and that’s all they ever will be to her.
We have not stood in the way of Wolverine contacting his egg donor. We have bitten our tongues until they damn near bleed, but these are decisions that Wolverine must make on his own. He has never been permitted to use his own mind or think for himself before, so he is struggling with that. We refuse to tell him what to think, though. We can offer advice and guidance, but what he chooses to do has to be up to him.
I’m not sure it has even occurred to him how differently we have handled this than his egg donor ever did. I doubt it. All I know is, we have done our best to do what is best for him, and ultimately, that is what matters. At least the kids have us to look out for them. Too bad they can’t say that about everyone in their lives.